Tuesday, September 03, 2013
So, I only have a few moments to jot down a few statements about how I am feeling with the military leave.
I got to talk to Neil yesterday because it was a holiday and they were granted a few moments to use thier phones. During this call, I could tell how emotionally drained and emotionally beaten down my sweetheart was. It was so hard to stay strong and hear in his voice how miserable this process is. I let him vent and just tried to be supportive and encouraging though everytime he mentioned wanting to quit, part of my heart screamed "just come home...."
I can't be selfish and I have to keep telling him to push through, that he is strong, and that he can do this. Nothing is easy with the military and that he can survive this. The juice will be worth the squeeze.
Oh, I just feel so helpless. I feel so unbelievably helpless hearing the need in his voice. He doesn't sound like himself. He isn't himself. *sigh* I just wish there was something I could do to make it better for him, but I am realizing the only thing I can do is be the sounding board for him that he needs and the encouraging voice telling him to keep going.
As he is away, I am drawing strength to go and take care of myself and run more while he is gone. I keep telling myself "Neil is up and working out, he is pushing himself. You can too." If nothing else, it keeps the mind busy!
Anyways, just a short blab of my emotional side navigating the helpless feelings that come with trying to support someone you have minimal contact with.
Peace and love.