Tuesday, September 03, 2013
I'm on the cusp of ending my weight loss journey and beginning my maintenance journey. I'm incredibly proud of myself for coming as far as I have, for being as diligent as I am.
But I am soooooo very tired of the Medifast meals I've been eating 5X a day. There are days when I almost wish I didn't have to eat, so I didn't have to eat the same meals over and over again.
Now, part of my problem could be I keep ordering the same MF meals. But I think mostly I'm tired of being on this restrictive diet. I'm tired of not being able to eat similar foods to other people. I want to have a vanilla latte again (no offense, Americano, you are good and all). I'd like not to stress out about restaurants and if what they served were on plan or not.
I do think this is a sign of me getting closer to "transition" - when I switch out the MF meals for regular meals. But with that comes a new fear: the fear of Going Back.
The previous two times I lost weight, I never really went into "maintenance". I was losing weight, and then my old habits came back. Bad food choices, over indulgence, cutting back with exercise until suddenly, I was 268 pounds.
I love my body today. I love how I can feel my ribs. I love how I am able to exercise - Spin Class, running, even biking (though I don't love it). I love how I look in clothes and I love how healthy I feel.
Internally, I know that the only one who controls me is me. *I* am the one making the food choices. *I* am the one with the power to avoid the fish and chips and instead have a salad. *I* am the one with the power to tell myself that yes, I do need to get off the couch and exercise. All of this I know, but I'm still afraid.
I've spent my entire adult life either overweight or obese, so this fear somewhat makes sense. I've not known a time where I was successfully able to maintain a healthy weight, so to think that once I am done eating these MF meals that all the weight will come back with a vengeance? Understandable.
The thing is, I am not the same person I was a year ago. When I eat bad on a Saturday, I realize that instead of throwing away my diet, I need to be even MORE proactive and careful. I am better about getting myself into a gym or on the pavement or in a class.
And then there's this: each day is a new day. I did not lose the weight overnight; neither will I gain it. Weighing myself regularly, taking note of how my body feels, watching how my clothes fit on me - these are all signs I want to take it to keep myself from spiraling out of control.
I am still afraid of going back, but I'm going to let that fear be a healthy fear to keep me on the path of good health instead of crippling me to give up. I have made incredible progress in such a relatively short time; this is just a new, different challenge to face!