Advertisement -- Learn more about ads on this site.


    CTUPTON   112,239
SparkPoints
100,000 or more SparkPoints
 
 
SP article: 10 Humorous signs you need to lose weight.... Part I

Tuesday, September 03, 2013

I donít know about you, but Iíd rather laugh than cry when life sneaks up on me and cracks me right between the eyes. Case in point: my weight.

It wasnít that long ago that I was arguably in the best shape of my adult life. But being the yo-yo dieter that I amówith emphasis on the yo-yo partóI not only lost most of my muscle tone and gained back the fat, but I packed on a few extra pounds for bad measure.

Now, I could look at the number on the scale, throw myself on my bed and sob over my self-inflicted misfortune. But thatís not my style. Instead, Iím gonna take a lighthearted look (at least something around here is light!) at the top 10 sure signs I desperately need to lose weight. See if you can relate.

#10: You find yourself sucking air after performing the acrobatic maneuver needed to get socks on your feet.

Like some contortionist from Cirque de Soleil, I have to perfectly gauge the distance I need to bend at the waist with the distance I need to lift my leg. Accuracy is everything. I can only hold this position for seconds at a time without aborting the mission and gasping for breath!

#9: To button your pants, you have to lie on the bed.

I usually flop about and groan like the demon-possessed girl in the Exorcist. Scary behavior like this means youíre fat or that you are too cheap to replace the jeans you wore in high schoolÖ20+ years ago!

#8: You steer your car with your knees since both hands are busy holding a sugary 64-ounce fountain drink.

When I'm drinking the bucket-sized sodas, I know that I'm in trouble. It means I have chosen gluttony over portion control.

#7: You have a gut.

Occasionally, the lower portion of my gut sports the unmistakable markings of my car's steering wheel. This phenomenon usually leads to...

#6: Your driver's seat is reclined so far back that you can easily touch the rear window by scratching your ear.

Yep, this is a sure sign that I'm fat and desperately trying to escape sign #7.

#5: Your pile of picked-clean chicken bones resembles the sun-bleached skeletons found in old pirate movies.

I know I've been especially thorough if Scruffy, my ever-hungry golden retriever, turns up his nose at the barren bones I've just finished working over.

#4: Shirts with a single X on the size label aren't comfy enough anymore.
Continued õ
SHARE
  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

SAMI199 9/19/2013 2:31PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
TRAVELNISTA 9/4/2013 6:55AM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
IMLOCOLINDA 9/4/2013 1:40AM

    emoticon emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
NANCYPAT1 9/3/2013 10:25PM

    Cute and oh so true.

Report Inappropriate Comment
BECKYSFRIEND 9/3/2013 9:04PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
BARB4HEALTH 9/3/2013 8:13PM

    emoticon More, more!

Report Inappropriate Comment
CRAFTSFAN1 9/3/2013 7:23PM

    OMG, I was laughing too much with your blog. Thank you so much for these emoticon quotes.

I could add that:
You need to loose weight when the size of your clothes is XXX...



Report Inappropriate Comment
BELDONDOG1 9/3/2013 6:17PM

    Funny, funny, funny! Thanks for tickling my funny bone!

Report Inappropriate Comment
THROOPER62 9/3/2013 6:10PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
2HAMSDIET 9/3/2013 6:00PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
STITCH4EVER 9/3/2013 4:11PM

    YOU KNOW - THERE ARE SIZES BEYOND THAT "X". I WILL BE VERY HAPPY WHEN I JUST NEED AN "X". BUT THESE WERE FUNNY. I GOT A GREAT MENTAL PICTURE OF YOU FLOPPING AROUND LIKE THE GIRL IN THE EXORCIST. AND WHAT'S REALLY BAD IS WHEN YOU HAVE EXTRA SHORT LEGS SO YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE SEAT UP AS FAR AS IT WILL GO AND THERE IS NO ROOM FOR THE AIR BAG TO INFLATE IF IT NEEDS TO. SCARY STUFF!

Report Inappropriate Comment
HIKETOHEIGHTS 9/3/2013 2:47PM

    emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment
MLDRLD 9/3/2013 1:05PM

    Love your sense of humor! Where's the rest? Just gotta read it!!!

Report Inappropriate Comment
ALIHIKES 9/3/2013 12:59PM

    Very funny! love the blog.

Report Inappropriate Comment
CELIAMINER 9/3/2013 11:28AM

    Wait! Where's the rest?!
emoticon

Report Inappropriate Comment

Add Your Comment to the Blog Post


Log in to post a comment.