Sunday, September 01, 2013
I feel like having a major temper tantrum. I am so frustrated. I want to throw in the towel and give up. I hate worrying so much about my weight. I hate being upset seeing myself in pictures. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to give it all up, be happy being 150+ lbs overweight and just live my freaking life!
Yes, I sound like a child. I'm acting like a child. I am frustrated and tired of hearing myself whine and whine and whine about my situation and attitude. Frustrated that I know I need to start over. AGAIN. Frustrated that my streak only lasted 30 days and then everything went downhill. Gained a bunch of weight while I was home. I've been back in Taiwan for a month now and still can't seem to get a bearing on my health and weight loss. Most days I feel like a hopeless case. It's just not going to happen. I'm going to keep eating crap food, not make good decisions, be fat forever.
If you made it this far, I'd be surprised. I don't expect anyone to really read this, but I needed to find a place to vent and let it out. I wish I had the answer, but I don't know what to do about my attitude. Maybe I'm just too weak and stubborn to ever change and I will always be fat and lazy. I'm literally surrounded by people who have a handle on their eating habits, they enjoy running or other workouts and are all nice and healthy. That should motivate me, but instead makes me feel like I stand out like a sore thumb and I only retreat further into myself.
Yesterday, 9/1/2013 I made it day 1. A little exercise, no chips, no candy, lots of water. Today is day 2. A little more exercise, no chips, no candy, lots of water. this feels like torture. why do I even bother? Because I want more than anything to be healthy and live the life I have always dreamed of. Doing things, experiencing things, living.