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Why do I hang on?

Sunday, September 01, 2013

I feel like having a major temper tantrum. I am so frustrated. I want to throw in the towel and give up. I hate worrying so much about my weight. I hate being upset seeing myself in pictures. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to give it all up, be happy being 150+ lbs overweight and just live my freaking life!

Yes, I sound like a child. I'm acting like a child. I am frustrated and tired of hearing myself whine and whine and whine about my situation and attitude. Frustrated that I know I need to start over. AGAIN. Frustrated that my streak only lasted 30 days and then everything went downhill. Gained a bunch of weight while I was home. I've been back in Taiwan for a month now and still can't seem to get a bearing on my health and weight loss. Most days I feel like a hopeless case. It's just not going to happen. I'm going to keep eating crap food, not make good decisions, be fat forever.

If you made it this far, I'd be surprised. I don't expect anyone to really read this, but I needed to find a place to vent and let it out. I wish I had the answer, but I don't know what to do about my attitude. Maybe I'm just too weak and stubborn to ever change and I will always be fat and lazy. I'm literally surrounded by people who have a handle on their eating habits, they enjoy running or other workouts and are all nice and healthy. That should motivate me, but instead makes me feel like I stand out like a sore thumb and I only retreat further into myself.

Yesterday, 9/1/2013 I made it day 1. A little exercise, no chips, no candy, lots of water. Today is day 2. A little more exercise, no chips, no candy, lots of water. this feels like torture. why do I even bother? Because I want more than anything to be healthy and live the life I have always dreamed of. Doing things, experiencing things, living.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I guarentee you; a lot of people on SP could have written this blog and many of us understand. OK Friend...let's see what happens on day 3! emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1661 days ago
    Being sick and tired of being sick and tired is SO common, and you are NOT alone! Add teaching small children to the mix and you CERTAINLY are not alone...ever, lol. The stress of school starting and all the goodies, lunches out during in-service, ect. derails so many of us. And being exhausted means who wants to go exercise or cook like we should?

    You've made another great first step. Find something to be proud of when you look at what Day 1 accomplished! Do something on Day 2 that you KNOW you can handle. A 5 minute walk rather than saying I'm working out for an hour! 6 glasses of water, etc. Small steps and keep right on going. Best of luck!
    1663 days ago

    I have so had these exact same feelings. In fact, I quit SparkPeople for about...... I don't remember, maybe 9-12 months in the height of it. I was watching everyone succeed around me, even friends who weren't on SparkPeople, and to me it felt like they were just rubbing it in my face. Or like it had turned into giant competition of who could brag that they had lost the most weight or something. I was just in a bad place.

    I've been back for probably a year and a half, and it hasn't been consistant. there's been weeks long drop offs and such, but I learn more with everything I scrap myself back up and try again..

    I completely understand how you feel, and I hope it gets better for you. If you ever need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to drop me a line, and if I can help, I will, and if I can't, I can at least listen and send some positive juu-juu your way.
    1663 days ago
    Hey! We all need to rant/vent sometimes. And I think you'll find there are lots of us who had to hit the restart button a few times (myself included). I think you're doing the right thing by posting and letting out your frustration. Just look at all the support you've already received. Losing weight is not easy, and its frustrating, but, it will be worth it when you do it.

    If you get to this point again just pop in and ask for support. I know from experience how great everyone is when I need help. emoticon emoticon
    1663 days ago
    Hi, I totally hear what you are saying and I was alot like you...I finally got my butt in gear and have been doing really can do this and you can change, it won't happen overnight...and whenever you beat yourself up about it, it stops you from keeping going...just try and praise yourself in the good things...

    If you want to see my journey, I suggest going to my page and reading the blogs:

    Week 15...and a bit about me

    A bit about me 2

    A bit about me 3

    they show my journey from where you are to now where I am...I have started over on sparkpeople about 5 times or so!
    1663 days ago
    1663 days ago
    One day at a time Doll! emoticon You are not alone in this battle, there are many of us here feeling the exact feelings you have and I love your honesty not just to yourself but to us. It is inspirational to see others open about their struggles because this is hard work! Take pride in your small victories and if you miss one of your goals for the day focus on the goals you met. Hang in there hun life changes take longer than a month...I have had horrible habits for 30 years :( We got this! We can do it!!
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    1663 days ago
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    1663 days ago
  • ANNETTE117
    It is hard. I started over again yesterday, too. Hang in there. We can do this. emoticon
    1663 days ago
    It is hard to ramp up and stick to it
    but I believe in you

    you can do this!
    1663 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.

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