Yeah I've been in the black hole too long~
Sunday, September 01, 2013
I'm working on pulling myself up out of it. It can be a pain in the ass. I feel little by little I'm finding a way out. The past two weeks have been a lot to deal with but I haven't given up or tried to stay in my crap. It can be rough some days definitely!
As you can tell I haven't been commenting on anything much so that's the first clue I'm in more than a nasty funk. I'm not trying to be neglectful or ignore things or people. I just feel I don't have much to say that would be worthwhile. The weather has been fairly crappy, I've been eating less, exercise is bad, sleep is funky in a way and I've had crazy headaches.
I've been doing a lot of reading, writing, listening to music, watching football. Those things make me happy so I do those more when I want to be happier. I make sure I'm not laying down in my filth but it takes a little time to pull myself out of the crazy. The shrink says he sees progression. I'm glad because I am feeling a bit better but not enough to resume regular life totally. It will come because I don't give up, give into my demons, my pain, my negativity. I don't let it win. Yeah, briefly I can get out of sorts and very quiet but its strangely helpful. The shrink thinks that is not so but I feel like being very quiet and listening, feeling, getting in tune helps a great deal.
I haven't given up my motivation for exercise and I do recall tomorrow is day 1 of strength training. I'm ready. Different goals are a good thing, its not good to be stagnant. Granted walking is very good but I prefer a little diversity now. I made a schedule for the week on exercise and I plan to stick through it. I've got yoga, cardio, walking, strength training and some dancing down and at the end of the week I'll see how it goes and what needs adjusting.
I've been writing in my Penzu Journal since the doctor thinks its good for me to write privately, to work out my thoughts in a safe place. I prefer longhand but I see his point. I've written pages and I feel better many times after writing. I email him my thoughts every night, he says he can tell I can express my feelings better and clearly when I'm without an audience or thinking of how to phrase things...