Change or Improve? For me it is improve!
Friday, August 30, 2013
So, I hope I have been using this time of wisely. I know I said this yesterday, but I am at a point where I am happy. A few bad dates that were not worth second dates even though I did try with one of the people. Even that hasnít thrown me off like it normally would. Anyway, my friend asked how I had come to this place.
Itís kinda weird. I canít pinpoint what exactly I did. I did have a nice long chat with Katy, my oldest about her breakup. She said she felt selfish and was getting the ďI will wait for youĒ line from her ex. I told her based on what she said, he was happy with the status quo where he did what he wanted and went out with her when he wanted and she wasnít getting the same treatment. I said, it sounds more like you would be waiting on him. A healthy dose of selfishness isnít a bad thing. But it just made me realize things in my life are pretty good.
My son is taking a leave of absence from his part time job while running cross country, at no pressure from me. My oldest handled this break up like an adult. Dang I just realized my oldest 2 are becoming adults. And while I am sure Steve will still have his moments, I am finally feeling like he is starting to become responsible. Katy is already responsible. I guess I am looking at it like I have raised a couple of great kids. I still have Kristy the youngest one to get through it, but I have faith. She is a good kid too.
Then I was thinking I finally have a good handle on my health and weight. I could still stand to lose a lot. And I plan to keep working, but what I finally realized is this. I am not trying to change my life. I am trying to improve it. And there is a difference. I am a firm believer that we should never stop learning and never stop growing. There is always room for improvement. I finally realized, with my fitness, I am at a point where it is improving something I have spent 7 months building. And I want to improve it. But the base is there. I mean how many 45 year olds are thinking about trying a triathlon? Or riding a bike along one of the coasts just for the sake of the ride?
With the weight, I want to continue to lose, but it is improving my health I want. Not changing my body. This one is still a little fuzzy for me to articulate. I still fall into the obese label on probably every chart there is. But I am not changing who I am. I am improving my weight and my health. I may never get into the normal range on any chart. And that is okay. As long as I can keep improving.
I think the same goes for why the bad dates havenít bothered me the way they would have. I am not looking to just add someone to my life. I am looking to add a partner. And I plan to be picky about it. I guess I finally realized I may never add someone. But I will not settle for someone just to have someone. I need someone special. Someone that will add to my life. So whether I find someone or not, I am fine with that.
All I guess I can say is, it is pretty good to be me right now. I have no illusions that things may go down and up, but dang, I am enjoying the ride finally. And that is what I want out of life. The lows make the highs better. The bad allows us appreciate the good. I am a movie buff, I always like the line from the 80ís movie Top Gun. ďA good pilot is compelled to always evaluate what's happened, so he can apply what he's learnedĒ I have always loved that line. But I think it applies to all of us. We have to push it. We have to learn and grow. Or at least I do.
So I guess what I have finally accepted is that I need to improve, not change. Hmm, it only took me 45 years to realize that. I am not slow or anything. Have a great Holiday Weekend everyone. Enjoy some good food and good company however that is too you. For me it will be bad bar food and beer and football tomorrow. Sunday is back to the gym. Knee feels better with a rest and I am excited to see what the next 7 months brings!