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Funny place to be

Friday, August 30, 2013

...well, not funny so much as odd, I guess, at loose ends and uncomfortable, kind of like moving into a new home and not feeling "all there" yet. Please, if you were hoping to hear positive in this, please stop reading here?

I've really hesitated blogging in this funny place - don't know quite what's going on, and don't want to be negative. But this morning I realized that it always means something to me when others here share the truth of where they are, even when it's dark, and that perhaps this might help someone else, too.

I honestly don't know what's going on with me. There's nothing really wrong, in fact some exciting things have been happening, but I feel out of place and "stalled." I haven't missed a day logging in, tracking food and activity (though I've only been within my calorie range for 3-4 days out of every 7), but I haven't interacted much for weeks, and honestly feel a little lost. I seem to be just marking time when I should be marching forward.

I also feel guilty about feeling bad - I have so much to be grateful about, so much for which to give thanks.

Guess that's quite enough moaning. I know this will pass. Perhaps it's simply a matter of a few good swift kicks in the hind parts, and since that's an awkward thing to accomplish myself, I could use some help from my friends. :)

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hi-Gail----Well, if you quit----- (this is how I look at Sparking)----what will happen?----I will probably go back to my old weight --and more---At least when I read the articles (which I skim)----they are reminders to try to be healthy---I don't have any more healthy reminders in my life-----I do hear you tho------Sparking IS time consuming---It keeps me exercising however----I try to look at it as a course---for me--in healthy living--I certainly bounce around in weight---It was interesting to read all the people's comments who wrote in----------You have to make the decision --is it worth it to you to continue----???----I certainly appreciate your support-----Hugs Gail-Lynda
    1645 days ago
  • SISSIE21
    I can totally relate to your feelings and I think it is part of any process of change that we have good weeks and months and bad ones. What is important is that you have reached out and are staying honest. If we can't be truthful about how we struggle in this journey as well as celebrate, well then where can we be honest? Know that you are not alone, that many of us feel this way at times and that we are here for you. emoticon emoticon
    1663 days ago
    I have found my feelings about Sparking wax and wane like the ocean tides. I think it is great you blogged about it... sometimes that alone can help. Do you need someone to check in with on a daily basis for awhile? I can do that for you if you think it will help. emoticon
    1664 days ago
    Good comments down below! You have some good support going on!! I am sorry you are going through a funky time! That's what I call those times and believe me I go through them too. Sometimes I think it is the seasons when they change. I used to get depressed in August for awhile, due to that very reason. Plus, I hated school and it reminds me of it to this day! Go figure! I have seasonal affective disorder too and it hits me then too. And then in the winter, etc. Menopause is a culprit for lots of us women, from the age of 40 on. Talk about mood swings! emoticon You know what I do? I go to my happy places when I feel blue, or out of sorts. I get out of the house, get in the car and go hubby in tow of course. I did that yesterday! One of the best days I have had in a long time!
    I hope it is a passing thing. Just keep thinking good thoughts, go to those happy places where ever they are and you will get through this. We are here for you and blog anytime you want-good or bad. Hang in there! emoticon
    1665 days ago
    Blogging about it is a emoticon first step. We all go through these odd periods in our life. You are taking the right steps to continue your healthy journey . Maybe this is just a changing of the seasons in your life. all is well, but the leaves are falling, blooms are wilting, but with patience will return in their full splendor.
    I wouldn't over think. I'd just continue with the positive choices you are making & just be & pray for the good Lord to show you the next step to feeling complete.
    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1666 days ago
    You are in good company. I decided weeks ago to just try to maintain for the mean time because just too much is going on. I do try to log my exercise, at least most of the time but just not able or inclined to spend a lot of time here right now. I am taking a few minutes now to check email etc. while my 3 aunts & uncle are visiting. I saw your blog and am trying to leave some type of comment on the blogs I am following. I figure when the weather cools off and things slow down for us I will be back on here more and get back with the program.
    1666 days ago
    Wow! See how many of us are feeling the same as you are...I once saw a list that gave ratings to the different stresses we have in our lives and I know I was way way over the top then, and probably for most of my life... this not working, kind of being retired, though not planned, new area, new home, so many things.... we don't give ourselves enough credit for adjusting to all these things that have an impact on our body whether we choose to acknowledge it or not...

    Have you been doing your exercise regularly? I have so gotten into being persistent and doing more and more, and man, do I miss it if I go a day without my long walk... Just a thought...

    I think realizing how many other people have such similar feelings should be a comfort to you, at least you were able to put it all into words and relieve yourself of some of the burden and also receive so much empathy from others.. emoticon
    1666 days ago
  • KENWANNE2013
    Good to hear from you again. I'm sorry you're feeling stuck at the moment. I do think it's really great that you blogged on this, and I'm struck by the fact that even in your low moments you managed to inspire and encourage others with your words.

    What you describe sounds like an emotional plateau. I always see these plateaus as my heart and mind giving me a rest when I've had a mix of highs and lows over a short period. Although it can be a frustrating time, these sorts of plateaus often come just before we take another step towards significant change - a rest before the next burst of energy! Enjoy the rest from trying, keep the good habits going, even if your heart isn't fully in it right now, and eventually you'll catch up with yourself.

    1666 days ago
  • MSHEL7
    I could not have written it any better if I had written it myself. You hit how I have been feeling like a nail on the head. Still blogging, still tracking, still marking time, but feel like I am getting nowhere. Some days I even feel as if I am going backward. I read down through the comments and I think that they are all right. I loved how one said that our lives even plateau, that made sense. That is kind of where I feel like I am at now, on that life plateau, walking along waiting for a hill or a canyon to cross and never getting to one. You and I both had big shocks to our systems in July. My husband says to quit using it as a crutch now, it is over and I need to get on with things. That is easier said than done I am finding. I really feel like that shock put me on the plateau with no way off. As long as we keep moving we will find a way out or off one day, I just know it. Maybe you and I should even go so far as to set up some kind of game or challenge or reward system until we get off of here. Let me know if that would be something you would want to do and we'll try to come up with something. In the mean time, keep moving sis.
    1666 days ago
  • CHERYLA2012
    SparkPeople is a place of refuge, as is your SparkPage. We, your SparkFriends, take you just as you are.

    Are the feelings and emotions you're experiencing helping you to move forward? Or are they keeping you mired?

    You have the power. Depending on your state of mind, it may seem like you don't - but it's there, inside you, waiting to be called on.

    And when you do, it will spark. Believe and trust in yourself.

    1666 days ago
  • NHES220
    If you can't be honest here, then where? This really is a journey with highs and lows and it is not always easy. If it was easy, everyone would be doing it. But here you are and look at the success you've had. So you are entitled to feeling a little low, having a few bad days. The important thing is that you are still tracking so it does not get out of control. You want to make sure you do not undo all of the good you have done. So why not just pamper yourself a little with something other than food? Maybe a mani/pedi or a new book? Hope you are having better days ahead and know we are here!

    1666 days ago
    I can so relate to where you are right now. I think with me, though, I am just getting worn down. I am tired of fighting. I just want to be settled in a comfortable place and I can't seem to get there. So, you will not get any swift kicks from me, but would sympathy help?
    emoticon emoticon
    1666 days ago
    I clicked on your blog on the SC stream on just the right day. I was feeling discouraged and alone in my journey to build better health. I had just explored the community page suggestion of reading other members successes. Made me feel worse and more like a failure. After a short pity party, I started to wonder why I felt that way. I need and want to think more on that today. All of our lives are similar but they are more so unique and individual.

    There is also more than one type of plateau. Our growth and change is rarely, if ever, a straight line up to the top. We often try out many different paths before deciding which is best for us. Sometimes we need to allow the changes thus far to settle in before more changes. Sometimes it is a signal that we might need to shake things up a bit.

    Your friends replies were a help to me today too. The best to you as you journey forward.

    P.S. I am a nature lover and very much enjoyed your nature photos and motivation poster choices. Thanks.
    1666 days ago
  • GABY1948
    Honesty is always best and I believe it helps to get the "junk out" I too believe this will pass for you...and I hope sooner than later...but til then never feel like you shouldn't share the good and the bad...most of us are here to listen either way, and the others? Well, they don't have to read it.

    Blessings to your day and praying you get uplifted soon! emoticon
    1666 days ago
    This statement, to me, is the key to why you feel stuck - "I also feel guilty about feeling bad - I have so much to be grateful about, so much for which to give thanks." Whenever I deny where I am, my true feelings (positive or not), I stay stuck. Sometimes I don't know right away why I feel bad or stuck but acknowledging that I am in that place seems to give my inner self permission to start moving forward.

    For example, it is like if I was truly lost in a forest and going in circles. The only way to even start finding a way out is to acknowledge that I am going in circles and to stop. Once stopped, assess where I am so I start going in the right direction not to be lost anymore. Does this make sense, Gail? Maybe because I was going in circles and not acknowledging that, I had forgotten that I had the compass with me all along. emoticon

    I have felt the same way you do this past month. I did well in July but not August. Like you, I was going in circles and got tired of that so I started looking for ways to get out of the forest. I got out of teams, joined others I hope will help me set very specific goals and keep me focused and, for a change. I am starting to write them down (my goals not floating in my head). The writing down is like the compass I lost in the forest going in circles and now I can walk straighter again.

    I hope this helps you in some way, dear Gail. Like you said, we all learn from each other here and it doesn't have to be positive experiences only. God bless you to find your way and just know you can email me or write on my page and if I can help, I surely will. emoticon

    Love, Chelsea emoticon
    1666 days ago
    Looking in from my comfy seat, smile, I see a woman one month post some scary news that worked out. But there were those scary days. The subconscious doesn't forget those. It has to process all of that. Even if we don't give it space to do so.

    Last night, I went out, got frustrated because I couldn't find the place I was going, came home using my GPS which landed me on an all to familiar road. One which used to take me to see folks who are no longer in my life. I cried all the way home. I asked God why the tears last night! It's been a few years since we separated paths. The answer was clear. I never grieved the loss.

    There has always been something a little out of sync since that loss. I never really put my finger on it. Pushed it out of the way actually. But today, after a lovely cry ALL the way home last night, I feel so very much better! I processed that hurt. I put it in it's place.

    Maybe you are in a similar place. You've been through a lot in your recent days, dear one.

    emoticon emoticon You are sooooo moving forward! Just saying that you are at loose ends and uncomfortable gives you freedom to start sorting it all out. This is a victory in the making!
    1666 days ago
    1666 days ago
    Thanks for sharing
    1666 days ago
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