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Friday, August 30, 2013

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over. -Jon Stewart (classic quote)

If we are now holding late-night talk-show hosts to the same moral accountability as we hold politicians or clergymen, I'm out. I'm gone. -Craig Ferguson (classic quote)

Politics is pop. Our job as comedians - especially me, as a late-night talk show, which is a broader audience - is to amplify what we think America is thinking. -Jimmy Fallon (classic quote)

I'm a terrible interviewer. I'm not a journalist - although I have a Peabody Award - and I'm not really a late-night host. What I am is honest. -Craig Ferguson (classic quote)

The state attorney general of New York is suing Donald Trump for $40 million, claiming that Donald Trump University is not a real university. The state claims it's not a real college because students get very little education and were unable to find jobs after they graduated. Sounds like a real college to me. -Jay Leno

A brewery in Japan has introduced a beer made from elephant dung. How do you market something like that? 'I don't always drink beer, but when I do, I make sure it comes from an elephant's butt.' -Craig Ferguson

Teachers at nine universities are using a new technology that can tell if students are actually reading their textbooks. Let me save you some time. They're not. -Jimmy Kimmel

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