Thursday, August 29, 2013
I think when you're a chunky chick (or it could just be me) you (I) don't look at the entire you in the mirror. I only see parts of myself. Face : no smudges? Check! Pants at the waistline: doesn't look too bad? Check! Lips? We're good. Eyes? Yes, eyes get a lot of attention. The girls. The girls are a prominent part of my life. Not sure what I'm going to do once those start disappearing.
The point? Yes, the point. My mirror as well as my self image is completely fractured. I can't look at my whole self at one time. I just can't. I haven't since I've been divorced (this has been 7 years now). My husband at the time looked at me and said 'You're too fat to have kids right now' and that was a little over 100 lbs lighter.
One day, I will be able to look at my whole self in the mirror. I will like what I see. She doesn't have to be perfect. She'll have flaws, we all do. She won't ever be super thin, she wasn't made to be that way. She'll have her surgery scars aka battle marks and stretch marks from bearing the sunshine of her life. These, she won't mind. She'll be curvy, as she always was, even in jr. high. But, her head will be up and she will smile. No longer will her eye only be drawn to check for smudges, mascara, waistline, the girls... Nope, she will be an entire human being, a proud one, for the work she has done to fix herself, on the inside and out.
Hearts and souls can be broken, but they can be fixed... as can bodies.