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For the first time since getting healthy, I'm scared to continue...

Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Wow, it feels good to just write those words out to the world. I haven't had the guts to say it to myself outloud yet. The truth is that I've lost 67 pounds and I'm comfortable where I am. I am back to the size I was in graduate school almost ten years ago. I'm getting compliments about my weight loss, I'm more active and flexible than I was at 300 pounds. But I'm terrified to continue to get healthy.

I want to lose at least another 50 pounds, getting me to the size I was in college when I thought I was fat, but right now that seems like an absolutely impossible goal to achieve. On top of me not really believing I can do it, I've been avoiding any additional weight loss. I've allowed myself to get busy again, talk myself out of my planned work-out, etc. I just am not sure I want to have any more change in my life.

To top everything off, I have to get more new clothes. Even the stuff I bought in June is baggy on me, and my colleagues are considering an intervention. But new clothes are expensive, and I just scheduled my third root canal of the year for tomorrow. I am officially broker than I have ever been, and although I know new clothes will make me feel better, not getting more into debt would make me feel good too.

So, I've given in and am going shopping this weekend. But I already don't enjoy shopping, and this time I have zero idea what size I am. I have clothes that fit around my waist but not my legs and I'm just frustrated even thinking about trying on different stuff. I"m proud of my progress and successes, but I think mentally I have hit my limit. I'm struggling to view myself in my current size, to plan ahead as if I'll continue to lose, and am just tired. Maybe that's what it comes down to: I'm scared of the un-known and I am tired.

Now what do I do? I have figured all of this out over the past couple weeks, and I have still not done anything about it. I know that right now my life feels really full. I know that I want to some day be thin/healthier, but even with all of the information I have learned in the past eight months, I can't even think about where to start. All of that new found knowledge has gone out the window and I am living life without really thinking. I don't like this side of me, and I'm ready to change, just not sure how to do it.

67 pounds down and now it's time to face my fear and get back to work on remaking my body, getting smaller and healthier. With all of your support of course!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CHANGE4FIT 8/29/2013 9:23AM

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ASIAM62 8/29/2013 6:10AM

    I know its scary to make changes but just take it in baby steps. As far as getting new clothes, look in thrifty stores. I have found even new w/tags clothes and I don't feel so bad when I out "grow" them! Saves $$$$ big time.

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SOLOMUA 8/29/2013 5:27AM

    Congratulations on your weight loss journey! You've come so far!! emoticon

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FORBANDE 8/29/2013 4:39AM

    It is scary! i think also we get afraid that if we lose more it will be harder to keep it off and therefore we'll gain only to disappoint ourselves and those around us. As someone who has restarted so many times I've lost count, continue on. Start slow, ease back into it and when you start seeing more progress, you'll be happy ya did!

Way to go on the weight loss!! You are AWESOME!

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BRADMILL2922 8/29/2013 3:18AM

    I think it is pretty natural to be scared. I get it. But think about it how far you have come! You didn't start thinking about settling for anything less than your goal right? So don't settle!

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PJNSGRL78 8/29/2013 1:42AM

    Consignment stores... thrift stores. ALLLLL good places to check. Also remember smaller clothes are cheaper (sadly). I know sometimes it is easy to get comfortable where we are but sometimes that sends us backwards instead of forwards. We all get tired. Life is pretty hard in general. We have to look at today as the day everyday we get up though. We aren't guaranteed that "well tomorrow I will be healthy"

These feelings of fear and being tired are only temporary. REMEMBER how excited you were.. when the first few pounds came off.. when the next few.. when the first 20.. when the next 20 etc. Look at yourself and be PROUD of how far you have come and know you can make it all the way! We believe in you!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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MINNIE 8/29/2013 12:07AM

    you can give yourself a short break to maintain. not gain. and with a limiting date.
you can alter your clothes or trade them in at a thrift shop. would be pity to let finances derail you.

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DJ4HEALTH 8/28/2013 11:27PM

    That is great that you lost 67 pounds and want to loose 50 more but just take it in 10 pound increments and you will find that is easier than looking at it all at once., emoticon emoticon emoticon

Comment edited on: 8/28/2013 11:28:34 PM

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BLITZEN40 8/28/2013 10:32PM

    Congrats on your weight loss- what a great success you are! You are over half way to your goal...keep going! emoticon

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STEPH3443 8/28/2013 9:36PM

    It's a scary thought sometimes, you aren't alone! emoticon

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HOLLYS_NEW_LIFE 8/28/2013 7:01PM

    Believe me, I completely understand. I've been so afraid to lose more, that I've been at the same weight for more than a year. I've only recently decided to continue my journey. Have you tried shopping at good will or second hand stores? You can get some really great stuff for really cheap! Continue on sister, you've got it in you!

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DALID414 8/28/2013 6:53PM

    It's natural to get scared the closer to a goal you get. But trust me, you do not want to have to start over. Try to maintain where you are and see how you feel in a few weeks. You don't have to take the full flight of stairs all at once, you can pause and catch your breath for a while.
Would tailoring your current pants be cheaper than buying new pants?

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ANDYGIRL1219 8/28/2013 6:00PM

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ALIDOSHA 8/28/2013 5:55PM

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