Losing Lola was more difficult than I could have ever imagined. I think what makes it more difficult is that Du is taking it so hard. We have held each other and cried together many many times since Saturday and the tears are always close at hand. Everyone grieves differently. I think that is why so many couples split up if they lose a child. I want to talk about her and look at pictures and remember everything I can about her. Du cannot bear to hear her name and will not speak it himself. He will not look at her picture, it hurts him too much. But there is no danger of a split here. We love each other so much and support each other's grief style too. We just hold each other and cry together and grieve in our own way.
I know he was grilling burgers for the party-goers when the accident occurred. The grill has sat outside ever since. Yesterday I drug it back into the garage. I know he couldn't bear to touch it. I'm afraid it will be a very long time before he will be able to grill again, which is probably okay. Neither one of us needs to eat that grilled food anyway--nitrites are cancer-causing. We are careful not to get anything charred...but still...it's just not that healthy.
He used to play solitaire constantly on the iPad as he watched TV. He hasn't touched the iPad since the accident. I know it's because he associates it with Lola. She would sit on his lap and put her paw on the iPad as if to say, "Stop playing and pay attention to me!" He used to complain. Now we would both give everything we own to have her back doing that again.
Yesterday was Du's 61st birthday. It was not a good day. He woke up in the early hours, with a clogged catheter. We had just been to the ER early Thursday morning, and now just five days later it was clogged again. We were pretty sure he had a urinary tract infection (UTI) and the nurse even mentioned that last week in the ER, but they didn't do any tests. Du's urologist seems to think UTIs are part of having the catheter and are not important, but they tend to make Du feel horrible, and I think also contribute to his catheter clogging. At least this time they tested for a UTI and sure enough he has one. So he got another new catheter, and some antibiotics to treat the infection. I had not been able to sleep before he woke up about 2 yesterday morning so basically didn't sleep at all that night. Du did sleep from about 11-1, so it was a short night for him too. We got home from the ER about 5:30, and he HAD to go to work. It is Cornhusker Football season at the University of Nebraska Print Shop where he works (as it is everywhere in the state--first home game is Sat.), and they have lots of printing to do to prepare. Of course nothing from the Athletic Dept. comes in early, it is always a rush job and there was no way he could take the day off. So with his low energy level from the shots he gets to fight the cancer, and only two hours of sleep, off he went for a full eight hours of work. Isn't he amazing? I went back to bed and slept for about four hours. We both overslept this morning!
The family always goes out to eat to celebrate birthdays, but Du requested we postpone his birthday celebration since we are both feeling so low. We will go out next week,. Our 43rd wedding anniversary is Wed., so might make it a joint celebration.
Not everything has been a downer in our lives. We were celebrating our beautiful forever granddaughter Mia's adoption and 4th birthday Saturday. We went to court with her parents Friday and watched the final adoption proceedings. The judge gave Mia a teddy bear. I'm sure adoption is one of the nicest things they get to do in Juvenile Court. Afterwards we all went to lunch, including Mia's maternal grandparents, who are an absolutely wonderful couple. We love them like family. In fact Cherry, Mia's maternal grandma, is the one who suggested we go out and get a new puppy the very next day after we lost Lola.
Turns out, it was good advice. Monday night we drove to a small town about 100 miles from Lincoln and put money down on a 5-week old Bulldog female puppy. We will be able to bring her home on Sept. 7 and can't wait. I dread having to go through all that training again, housebreaking, etc. and I also embrace it joyfully. Seeing those puppies helped us so much and the anticipation of having a dog in the house again helped us both so much.
We are both still really sad and will never forget our beautiful, wonderful, perfect Lola, but together we will get through this.