Wednesday, August 28, 2013
This week has been busy. Trying to prep for the new school year and get our classroom ready... I have been doing okay with eating, I think. I've not had time to track with my Kindle... yesterday was a cheat day. I had a doughnut in the morning for Sam's bday- figured it was better than buying a whole cake, and a family dinner at my grandmom's- spaghetti and meatballs again. Also ice cream for dessert. Back on track today. Just wanted to check in... need to get ready for work.
Joe should be calling tonight.. and frankly, I am sick of him. He sent me such a nasty letter about how I've left him broke, homeless, without his kids or his marriage, with a ton of school debt since he can't afford to continue for a degree he likely can't use, blah blah blah. Well, I'm sorry, but I wasn't the one who was drunk and waving a loaded rifle around. I've been so considerate of him, putting money in his inmate account, paying his credit card bills, letting him call/write and even Skype Spencer (they haven't done that as the prison just set up the system)... and I've even tried to get people from his life to reach out to him. I've gone above and beyond and I am sick of feeling guilty for HIS screw-ups. I tried to get him help for his depression. I begged him to stop drinking, to see that it was ruining us and our family, and he refused.
So I decided- I'm letting go. Of ALL the drama. Joe. Mike. My low-self esteem. Everything negative, I'm sick of being sad, worried, angry, confused. I'm sick of hating my life. I have the chance for a fresh start without the baggage so guess what, I'm leaving it on the carousel and walking away. If Joe wants to be part of Spencer's life, he'll need to figure out how on his own. Mike doesn't and never did deserve me, because I might be a crazy, jealous, dramatic bitch but at least I LOVE with everything I have. And -I- do not deserve to be this miserable, lonely, unhappy version of myself.