Tuesday, August 27, 2013
My confession is this: I've never really struggled with losing weight ( I know, I can hear some of the "lucky you" and "must be nice") but there is more to it than that. I've never had an issue gaining it either. I'm only 23 and I have a physically demanding job. I gain weight because of my choices in food. I would more than quadruple my sodium intake and I would eat quite a few calories in one sitting as well. I loved pop, especially mountain dew for my caffeine fix because I don't like coffee. My weight fluctuations were NOT normal. A normal fluctuation is about 5 pounds give or a take a few in a week, mine were 10-15 pounds. My periods were horrible, cramping, bloating, fatigue, irritability(PMDD doesn't help either) you name it I had it. All because I wasn't nourishing my body like I should have been and getting the extra exercise in. I was sleeping on and off every hour to two hours a night. Waking up and tossing and turning. Sometimes my heart felt like it was going to beat out of my chest. I would have panic attacks at night that I would wake up overheated and sweating and sometimes unable to move to get the blanket off of me. It's scary knowing how young you are and you start having these issues.
When I signed up for sparkpeople it was because I was tired of living this way. I knew it was up to me to change and I knew what I had to do, to do it. I just needed the right tools. As I've previously stated I've lost the weight before but I was using a different site for it. It didn't however have all the things that this site has. It didn't have the network of people out there willing to listen and give advice, pushing you when you need it and cheering you on when you succeed. This is a different atmosphere. I did it alone, I've never been the kind of person to depend on someone else when it comes to things that are personal. However, experiencing this has opened my eyes to a lot of things. That having friends with the same goal can make it easier to lose because you have a good support system.
Ever since I've started this journey, so many things have changed. My weight fluctuations are back in a normal range. It's nice to be able to fit in the same pair of pants two days later. My periods are better and I have more energy while on it, bloating is under control and so is the cramping and moods. I've been sleeping better and more soundly, even though I still don't sleep all that well but I feel more rested. My heart doesn't feel like it's going to beat out of my chest anymore. The number of panic attacks I'd have during the night has decreased dramatically to where they almost don't happen anymore, it would take a really bad day for it to come up. Overall I just feel better, I'm very private when it comes to my personal well being and my feelings. Today, however, I decided to change that for one day. Only a few of my close friends even know I'm doing this, I haven't even announced it on my facebook. I'm just not ready to make that leap yet. For now I think I'll keep my weigh-loss on here with all of my sparkfriends because I know you understand. It's not that I don't think they'll understand, but I want the compliments I get to be sincere and not because of my announcing it to everyone. So far I've gotten two. :)
So, this is my confession. Some of it I have already made public, most of it I have not. I feel better doing it though.