How Did I Eat Like That?
Monday, August 26, 2013
Last Friday, I had written up this post about my blood work - the new online tools my doctor's office provides, how quickly and painlessly it went, and how overall pleased I was with the results.
And then I hit "Post Blog Entry" and lost the entire thing. Apparently the greater than/less than symbol isn't allowed in blog posts and if you use them, your entire post goes away.
When I saw what had happened to all my work, I just stared at my screen for a few moments before closing the window and moving on. Let's just suffice it to say: My results were really good, I have areas for improvement and YAY for online same day blood test results!
Anyway, that's the Blog Post That Never Happened.
So this Saturday, I did a naughty and went off plan. I had a few snacks at a friend's home while we played games. I didn't think much of what I ate - sure it wasn't the healthiest choice, but I certainly don't make a habit of it. I've been really good these past few months, and I'm almost near maintenance. OK, so maybe those are excuses for my laziness and my wanting to eat real food again. But this blog post isn't to shame me for what I ate or make me feel guilty about going off plan - one of the things I want to change is to get rid of those thoughts that would make me say, "You've messed up, so don't bother anymore - bring on the Cheetos!" (Plus, after what happened, I think I got my "punishment"...)
Regardless of why I ate what I did, the last 24 hours have posed some interesting questions: namely, how the *BLEEP* did I eat like this?!?!
On Sunday, I woke up feeling a bit queasy. That feeling got WORSE as the day progressed. It got to the point where I couldn't eat a decent "Lean and Green" dinner because just the thought of turkey burgers or chicken or peppers or tomatoes made me want to vomit. (I somehow ate cucumbers and fat free cream cheese - not the best, but at least I ate.) I spent a good hearty portion of the wee hours of this morning on the toilet, clutching my abdomen, promising my intestines that I would be more tender with them next time. I was half tempted to call in sick to work because I was afraid my bowels would burst.
All this time of my stomach and intestines angrily protesting the weekend "binge", my body barely holding back in vomiting every last thing I ate, I wondered how I did this. This time last year, eating as I did on Saturday would have been a DAILY thing. Overindulgence and bad food choices were my middle names. I would maybe have been a bit sick, but I never would have had to take Alka-Seltzer THREE TIMES in two days, nor a Gas-X (which, in case you were wondering, does NOTHING to help me with bloating and gas). Nor would I have wanted to curl into the fetal position, clutching my stomach in agony.
This goes to show me how far I've come and how insidious bad food choices are. I'm so unused to being so full, eating such bad foods, that my body violently reacts to their presence and wants them OUT. These foods that were once my staples are BAD for me. They make me feel pain and could have easily kept me from going to work or enjoying my life.
And it happened ever so subtly. I didn't just one day go from eating all healthy (OK, mostly healthy) to junky foods constantly with no problems. It was a gradual decline, a dropping of the barriers, building a tolerance to the badness of these foods and then needing even MORE to get those same good feelings. Not too different than being addicted to drugs or alcohol, I would say.
Although these last two days have been a trial, I have actually appreciated them. They have taught me that I don't really want those yucky foods anymore - no matter how "good" they may taste. They taught me that I have really come a long way (YAY!) and that I was truly in a dire state before. And they taught me that my body is much more sensitive than I give it credit and I need to be more cautious about what I put in my mouth!!