Sunday, August 25, 2013
It has been some time since I posted. I hope this blog finds you well or at least on your way to wellness as best you can. Life has been a winding journey. I can't say it's been bad but I can't say I've been living my best life - and that is what bothers me most, because I have the capacity, will and faith to live my best life but have not been doing so. Have I been doing the best I can? Part of me wants to say, yes, given the circumstances I have been doing the best I can. The other part of me wants to say "liar, you've been lazy and passing it off as contentment and needed rest." The middle road tells me both are true and neither making excuses nor pointing fingers will be helpful in the present moment.
I can't say I'm back where I started with my health and weight loss as when I joined in 2007. I have learned too much and come so far that it wouldn't be fair to say that and would not honor self-love or the many who helped me along that journey. I know the journey ahead of me will be much easier, knowing what I know. I also know that it probably isn't as bad as I think it is, but to me feels much worse. I definitely see a lot of "red flags", "danger, danger" signs that tell me I must make some major course corrections or I will be headed into negative health land.
I haven't been as focused on my health and body in this past year and a half and have focused more on my career which I must say, I am at a loss with at this point. I have been working as a temp for the summer with the possibility of permanent hire and have just turned that down. I may be crazy, but my heart just tells me that this is not the path and if I go down it, I will be disappointed. I have to be true to my heart even if it means a risk for our finances. I have to believe that there is something better for me out there. I have been avoiding my best self. I admit it. I have been entertaining myself with Television to avoid the truth of my boredom. I have been eating food because I am bored and not because I am hungry. I admit it. I am more than what I have been doing for work, not to negate my work, but I just know I must do something more fulfilling than this. And if not now, when?
My soul longs for a fresh start. Not a complete overhaul. I know better. I can change everything and I will still be left standing with myself. But as the saying goes, "what would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Not many get the chance to try it, and I am going to. And in the end, I will not be standing alone, and if I am - my Self is not so bad, she's pretty cool to hang out with even on the bad days.
Part of my fresh start is to get back into my body is small steps, 10 minutes at a time. To improve my nutritional intake with one meal at a time enjoying smaller portions of food direct from the earth and more often. To enjoy 10 minutes to meditate bringing clarity to decisions. To take 10 minutes every day to do something that I absolutely love that is just for me and no one else.
This week's plan:
-Healthy breakfast and fresh juice before I leave for work.
-Pack a lunch and eat my afternoon snack.
-Eat a light dinner.
-Drink water and tea, avoid coffee and soda.
-10 minutes qigong, every day.
-walk with my husband, two days after work.
-10 minutes meditation before bed.
Do what I love:
-ukelele, sing, write, journal, draw, listen to music - just to listen to music, DANCE!
I am not afraid to be my best self any more. Small steps.