I restarted my goals today. It was time. I've been on a bad trajectory for the past few month, bad eating habits, not enough exercise, weight climbing. I having been posting to my blog, either, so it's about time I started again.
I've been reading though. I've been on Spark People every day for 326 days, even when I'm not doing anything else. I've been there because I have been trying to keep the connection with my weight loss goals, even though I haven't been doing anything about them.
This week was the clincher for me -- the big, embarrassing reminder that I badly need to lose weight.
I'm a newspaper reporter and editor by trade, have been for 22 years. One of the most exciting things I cover as a reporter is wildfire. And we had a doozy of a fire this week -- Conflagration Act big. Over a thousand firefighters in town big.
I was fine the first day, before everything became official. I drove out to the fire scene, talked to people whose homes are at risk. Tried to tell their story of this frightening experience.
The next day, when the state authorities rolled into town, was another story.
To cover the fire firsthand now, with new rules in place for safety, I had to have the same basic clothing as the firefighters: fire-resistant shirt, pants and boots, and a hard hat. Normally, reporters can borrow clothing for the fire. Firefighters come in all shapes and sizes -- almost. None were as big as me, so I had to send a junior reporter to the fire in my place.
Bottom line is, I'm tired of feeling my life being shut off by fat. I'm tired all the time. My joints ache. I get out of breath way too easily. I'm really not healthy enough to do too much of anything. Next year, my husband's best friend is getting married in New Zealand. We are supposed to fly over so he can be best man and I am worried I won't be able to fit in a plane seat. It's expensive enough to fly without having to buy an extra seat for my big butt. Not to mention how mortifying that would be.
It's sad when every time I want to do something I have to ask myself "Is my big body able to do that?" I've always been someone who likes lots of different experiences, which is one of the things I like best about my job. I don't just have to sit behind a desk for hours everyday (although some of that comes with the territory). Sometimes I get to go out and experience the things I'm writing about. At one time in my life, hiking into the wilderness or wading into a stream was part of the fun. Now I have to ask myself if my knees and ankles can take it, if my heart can take it, if I can fit into the places I need to go.
Fortunately, I've found a way to exercise that isn't limited by all of that. Swimming and water aerobics are a really good workout. I haven't been doing that much in that regard lately, but I got back into the pool today for the first time in a long time and it felt good to work my muscles to fatigue.
Wish me luck. I'm going to need all the encouragement I can get.