Sunday, August 25, 2013
Prompt 4 was a review for me. I've heard all that stuff from Lauren before, but am I practicing it in my life at this point? No. I know about goal overwhelm, about taking baby steps, and about "something is always better than nothing". I am the queen of overwhelm - my first Vitality blog post was dripping with overwhelm. I get overwhelmed just thinking about trying to lose weight and still have the same lifestyle - then I freak out, panic, and quit. Then I restart, get overwhelmed and quit.
Something I don't understand is that if it's true that my plan is the problem, and I'm not, how much simpler can I get from what I'm already trying to do (and not doing)? Eating healthy and exercising 10 minutes. If I can't even do that, how much farther can I scale back?
Ok, so I've recognized this unhealthy behavior, and can feel myself getting overwhelmed by just talking about being overwhelmed!! What do I do about it? How do I change?!
Maybe making a "done" list will be helpful in re-framing my thinking. I used to journal positive affirmations and a few steps I took towards my goals every night, but I stopped, probably because I got overwhelmed that I didn't reach my goal in the timeframe I wanted. Maybe I need to build momentum off of a ridiculously simple task. Like drinking my water everyday for a week, and anything else great I do is just a bonus?
Prompt 5: Forgiveness.
In the past, I could have said I needed to forgive a couple different people, those who caused great pain to my soul, but I think I can say that I've made progress in letting those things (and those people) go. Today, the person I hold the most resentment towards is myself. I'm angry at myself for not reaching my goals. I'm angry that I didn't put down that milkshake in favor of a healthy body, a healthy future. I'm angry that this is a struggle for me, when it's not for others. I'm angry that I can't do what I want, eat/drink what I want and still reach my goals.
My plan is to stop the negative self talk about the past. I can't change the fact that I've been trying to lose weight for better part of the last 20 years. I can't change that I haven't reached my goal, can't change that I've made progress and took two steps back. What I can change is how I move forward. I can decide to take baby steps towards my goals. I can decide to make healthy choices, and I can decide to still be on my own team when I things don't go perfectly. I need to support myself and be my own cheerleader. If I can't do that, how can I expect anybody else to?