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CAREN_BLUEJEANS
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The Gift of the Binge

Saturday, August 24, 2013

The gift of a binge starts with finding out what triggers me. My youngest son, who I love & support, and who has Asperger's syndrome, as well as just the stress of being a teenager, well, when he gets stressed, he lashes out at me, and I take it badly, like he doesn't appreciate me and all I sacrifice.

And I thought I had the stress eating under control. But when my most precious child turns against me, It triggered a binge, because I was giving up workouts and such for his benefit, and all for nothing. Or so I thought.

But we had a talk and he said I'm so selfish, thinking it's about me. And I had to set aside my hurt feelings and listen to the message below his sassy attitude. And I tried saying things like, hey I"m sorry you're so stressed out, I hate when that happens too, you'll be ok. And then give him a touch on the arm, hug, pat on the back. He calms down.

So what I learned is that as much as I'm not able to react well to stress, he's even less capable. So I have to pull it together, and set a good example. And we're both going to learn & grow together. And that's the gift.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v JANET552
    emoticon and very wise!
    1038 days ago
  • v STR458
    emoticon
    1038 days ago
  • v DETERMINEDJANET
    It is so hard with that added layer. I live that each day with our little guy who has autism. I too have to really work at not taking it personally, but some days I fail. emoticon
    1039 days ago
  • v TONYAB2000
    emoticon Caren for learning and understanding so much. Even without Asperger's, most of the time when people lash out it's because of stress in their own lives rather than something we have done. So instead of taking it personally, we can help them deal with what's bothering them. Great lesson. Thanks for sharing!
    1039 days ago
  • v CARRIE1948
    eanage boys with Aspergers are tough - and trust me, they don't get easier. My Asperger's son is 30 and still an issue
    1039 days ago
  • v LE7_1234
    Oh, yeah. Kids. Biggest trigger.... When I know they're going through something, I can prepare myself, and strengthen that me-you barrier. When I'm not expecting it... Ack.

    I tend to think that young teens can't really understand all we sacrifice. I'm basing this on myself, really, and all the things I didn't truly understand until I was a parent myself...

    I also think that if you often think you're sacrificing things for your son's sake, you need to pause and take a look at what's going on. Sometimes a simple reframe helps--I'm not making a sacrifice, I'm choosing to do this instead of that because in the long run it will be better for both of us. And sometimes, well, it's a "put your own oxygen mask on first" situation. If you *don't* skip the gym (or whatever), you'll have more energy to help him with his issues...

    Take care of yourself, Caren!
    1040 days ago
  • v MORTICIAADDAMS
    I really admire how you handle these difficult situations. You focus on him and not yourself even though you must be very hurt. emoticon
    1040 days ago
  • v DMEYER4
    good luck. it is hard to deal with any teenage child, but even worse if they have a medical problem. you are doing the right thing setting a good example for him. love is the best thing you can give him. as for binge eating maybe you could try something else when you are upset. I take a walk and it calms me down.
    1040 days ago
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