I know people are busy and life can get chaotic. Heck, that's been my life the last couple of weeks. However, I've done a lot of soul searching over the last month or so about frinedships that I've had for years. Some of these people who have been friends for over a decade and were by my side after everything happened in 2008.
I've learned as a widow your address book changes. People that once were a huge part of your life either disappear in the dark or just stop talking to you all together. People that I thought were true friends wound up showing their true colors and I've ended many friendships/relationships in the last 5.5 years. At first it would upset me but as time has gone by I've taken the attitude of 'I have to do what I have tod o for my own sanity." Relationships, whether they are between friends, husband & wife, etc are a two way street, not a one way.
I'm tired of the one way streets. I'm tired of being the only one trying to make a relationship work. Eventually at some point you have to realize and decide when enough is enough and move forward. Well, I've come to that decision finally. I've struggled with it on and off for awhile. This person has been a friend for 15+ years and was by my side days after the car accident while I lay in ICU fighting for my life.
I know people change over time. I've changed in leaps in bounds in the last 5.5 years. I think this move has opened my eyes to different areas in my life. I'm living in a small town (much like my home town) and it excites me. I'm embracing the idea of starting to drive again, even if its just short distances at first. I'm embracing the idea of trying to find another job to help with my self esteem and overall mood. To put it bluntly I see one chapter of my life ending and another one one beginning.
I've tired for weeks with no luck trying to get hold of friends just to chat and catch up. I feel its a slap in the face when these same friends can post things all over FB but yet can't answer my calls or even text me to say 'Hey, I got your message I'll get back to you when I'm not so busy."
My last attempt to make contact with said friend was over a week ago and still no response from her at all. I'm done. She has my number and if she wants to talk she can call me. Yet, I'm not going to sweat it if I don't return her call right away.
I thought maybe if I posted on my FB how I felt it would get some sort of response:
I'm feeling disconnected from people that were there for me after Josh and Maddie passed. People that I thought no matter how many years have gone by they would still have my back.
I've thought about this a lot the last month or so. I feel like friendships that once had a firm foundation are crumbling. I know people change as time goes on. Hell, I've changed a lot in the last 5.5 years. However, I've noticed with change that people that once were a huge part of your life start to not be. Although that's a tough pill to swallow I'm learning to accept it.
I have to learn that I can only try so much and eventually just have to let things go.
It is time to let go and move on