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MOSTMOM1
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Dancing Around Numbers

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Saturday, August 24, 2013

I had to post a weight gain this week. This is not, however, the end of the world. The sky is still blue, the sun is shining and, as far as I can tell, the earth is still spinning. Whenever I have a weight gain, I change the little sticker on my Wii calendar to a heart and I say aloud, ďI still love myself. Itís all good.Ē This helps me remember that, while numbers are important, I canít let them be the only thing that gives me satisfaction or motivation. So, I go ahead and post that weight gain on my SparkPage when it happens. In the past, Iíve been so disappointed with myself, that I wouldnít post because I couldnít bear to see the ticker go up. But I realized Iím not being honest with myself when I do that. Plus, if I donít post the gain, I canít be happy to watch the little ticker go down when I get the loss. And I need to see that ticker move down. I need that motivation. Also, Iím pretty sure this is the one community that understands weight fluctuations and the challenge of consistently losing weight. Can I get an ďamen?Ē So, I post. It is what it is. Next week will probably be better.


Smileys are for losses, hearts are for gains. Whatever works, people.

And Iím regrouping a little. See, I was trying to hit my Wonder Woman weight goal (down 54 lbs) by the end of this 5% challenge. Not gonna happen. Just not. Itís so far out of the ballpark now, it doesnít serve as a motivating goal anymore. So, instead of giving up and slipping all the way back into old habits, Iím changing my goal. Itís my game, so I feel like I can change the rules when I need to. Heck, I even changed my ticker goal. Is this cheating? I donít care. It works. Know why? Because now I look at that ticker and that revamped goal and I think, ďI can do that. Thatís totally doable.Ē

And doable is what I need. Because the curious thing is, I get right here at the 45-49 lbs down and I hover. Then, I creep back up a little. I havenít been able to break that 50 lb mark yet. I just dance around this number. Iím sure there are lots of reasons; I could give you a shopping list: getting older, exercise is moderate rather than intense, getting sloppy with food, cupboard is bare so weíre making do with whatever we can find around here, I need chocolate, etc. But sometimes, I secretly wonder if Iím afraid of losing that next big chunk. Am I afraid of the work it will take? I donít know. Iím not a lazy person; I actually have a very strong work ethic. I do grow weary of being diligent in the kitchen; I confess that. Am I afraid of success? Of hitting that goal and not being able to maintain? Hmm, that might be it. Iíve done that before. But I didnít have the support of the Spark Community back then. So, maybe I shouldnít be afraid of that, huh? I mean, if I stay active here, no matter what, that gives me a level of accountability and support that I didnít have before. So maybe, just maybe, if thatís whatís partially holding me back--maybe, just maybe, I shouldnít worry about it so much.

So, I post. It is what it is. Next week will probably be better. I still love myself and itís ALL GOOD!


Had to share Audreyís First Day of School pic

And Iíll leave you with two of my latest Creative Journal entries. The first prompt was to make something light look heavy and the second was to make something with pencils.


Classic Spongebob workout


In a bold, strategic move, the Angry Pencils wait for the second day of school, to begin their siege.

Spark ON, Brave Sparkers!!!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • v MARKATSPARK
    emoticon
    179 days ago
  • v PENUMBRA52
    way to go emoticon
    960 days ago
  • v SERASARA
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    1073 days ago
  • v EFFRAYECHILDE
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    1075 days ago
  • v ALIDOSHA
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    1081 days ago
  • v RUNNER4LIFE08
    I had a similar thing with my weight dancing between numbers. So I changed up my diet and I make sure I am logging everything that goes into my mouth. That has been helping to get me out of my rut.

    But I do understand where you are going with your feelings because I was thinking the same thoughts. Am I holding myself back? And I did realize deep down, I was. I don't know why I was but I was holding myself back. So realizing that did help and it has helped push me back in the right track.

    And Audrey looks awesome as she starts 8th grade! I have an 8th grader as well.... hard to believe that next year will be highschool for them. Yikes!
    1085 days ago
  • v SHELLEYHOWARD
    I struggled so hard last week with the goal thing. What should it be? What is attainable? What is MAINtainable? How hard am I willing to work for it? And while asking all the questions I may have cried over it all a little bit.

    I looked around on websites to assess my current state of fit and to help me set goals - one site called me obese. I know this is not true. Another site told me I was athletic and should join a sports team for fun exercise. Again, I know this is not true. I did find both to be funny, especially that second one. :)

    The only thing I knew to do was to write up a new routine for the gym and tell myself to just keep going. I started that routine yesterday, continued it today and tomorrow I will be right back there for leg day. My biggest goal when I started going to the gym in June is that I wanted to still be going at Christmas time and it'd be fun to see what progress I made in that 6 months. So, instead of giving myself a number goal like inches or pounds lost I'm going to stick with the Christmas goal and be patient with the process. Oh and that whole enjoy the journey thing to. I do find it fun to go to the gym. That's totally not something I ever thought I'd say.
    1086 days ago
  • v _JODI404
    Shel,

    I LOVE your perspective!! It is never fun to see the scale go up.... but we do have to rely on other measures and Wooo~Hooo's, and NSV's as well. The scale can't be our only satisfaction or motivation or else we all may go crazy! (Unless you're lucky enough to be perfect-- and that is not very realistic!)

    I LOVE that you give a heart on the calendar for a gain, and know that all is still well, and you are still totally worthy of love!

    Changing the ticker was a brilliant idea! This is for YOU, so you have to know what isn't working for you and then figure out how to change it to make it work. Doable is the way to go. Otherwise, it's hard to put your heart into it if you don't really BELIEVE that it can be done. Believing in yourself is actually a big key to success.

    I definitely agree that you should not let fear stand in the way of your success! You have SO MUCH support here -- this community is incredible! Everyone of us knows the ups and downs and struggles and joys of this journey -- we can totally relate.

    Hope things are going well. I know you're busy now, so hopefully that is a VERY good thing!!

    emoticon u, and hoping this week was a emoticon , but if not....it's still ALL GOOD!!

    You are AWESOME!!

    1087 days ago
  • v STEPH-KNEE
    Gains and losses are the name of the game, that is why I heart you so much, because you are REAL! I am the same way, I post about the good, the bad, and the ugly... if we only posted about the good stuff it wouldn't be a realistic look at what our journey is like. Just for the record, this is nothing bad or ugly about this post at all, I'm speaking in general. ;) And I LOVE LOVE LOVE the hearts for the gains, pure genius! Also love you changing your ticker. I am learning this weight loss stuff becomes easier with whatever mind tricks we can give ourselves, I have a lot of them too... and the way you worked that ticker to motivate you is pure awesomeness!! :D emoticon *HIGH FIVE*
    1088 days ago
  • v EFFIEANNIE
    OK, if you can do it, so can I. I will post my gain, have not posted in a long time, since I haven't had a loss in a long time. Maybe posting will help inspire me to lose next week. Good blog, as usual.
    1089 days ago
  • v OPTIMIST1948
    Angry pencils.... whoo HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!
    !!!!!!
    1089 days ago
  • v MSBEKANATOR
    I love your honesty and transparency! That is one of the reasons that you are so incredibly motivating. When someone else is dealing with the ups and downs and you can see them succeed, it helps to keep you going. Love the calendar. I think I need to do something like that, a hard copy of something to have in hand instead of just computer/phone logging. May just be making something tangible to stick on my mirror over my scale... Thanks again! Love your vlog/blog. You are a blessing to me!
    1089 days ago
  • v PEGGYO
    Amen!
    1090 days ago
  • v STR458
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    1090 days ago
  • v KARENLEIGH32
    I am so glad I read your blog! I was in the same place you were, so I took 2 weeks to sabotage myself. I think after reading your blog that its because I was afraid of making it and then gaining it back. So by deliberately jumping off the wagon I didn't fail. Sounds crazy I know, but this is my story and I'm sticking to it!
    1092 days ago
  • v KICKINGKILOS
    I had a gain too despite all the calorie counting and being on track.
    But as you said the sky is still blue. And the earth still spins. But I feeel like it is not spinningbin my favour ;)

    1092 days ago
  • v LIVINHEALTHY9
    Love your honesty and humor. Onward and Upward!
    Audrey looks great on her first day of school.

    Great blog!
    1093 days ago
  • v KELSPRETTYGIRL
    Shelli, as usual, well put. I am right there with you. Don't throw busy into the mix, then I really fall off the PLAN. I don't know. There's a quote that goes something like this, "When Christ was fiercely assailed by temptation, He ate nothing." I guess when I don't feel I can control what I eat, I just shouldn't eat. Thanks for helping me to reflect on my own journey.
    1093 days ago
  • v LIVEDAILY
    Good blog - it's hard to go diggin' around in the psyche...so much "stuff" in there that contributes to what we do and who we are. Bravo for sharing that with us! We're here to support you wether you lose or gain or stay the same!
    emoticon
    1093 days ago
  • v LISA_FRAME
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    1093 days ago
  • v SNOWYOGA
    emoticon Thank you and like your (you) calendar person! emoticon emoticon
    1093 days ago
  • v NJPRINCESS9091
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    1094 days ago
  • v LADYCALICO
    I really identify. I also started at 219 and after losing 45 # it is like having to blast them off with dynamite. I went from losing about 5-6#/mo to about @2#/mo. if I am lucky. Just got off the world's longest plateau and am here to attest IT AIN'T EASY. Sense of humor--don't try to lose weight without one.
    emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v EVERLEARNING
    Amen, indeed!

    Sometimes goal setting needs to be a game of Calvinball.

    You ROCK, Shelli!
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    1094 days ago
  • v GABY1948
    You get an AMEN from me! You are still fantabulous! Have a GREAT week...love the pics! emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v FITBIZZZ
    I totally feel for you. I'm hovering lately too. This is usually the time I start the slippery slope of slacking. BUT, you made some very good points about perspective and perspective is key. It IS all good, always. Love on brave sparker! emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v GINGERLY4
    Amen!

    1094 days ago
  • v TURTLETALK
    Amen!
    1094 days ago
  • v COACH_NICOLE
    So well said! :-)
    1094 days ago
  • v EVER-HOPEFUL
    emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v SANDLADY48
    Wow, all of the above! Great representation of the pitfalls of weight loss perception.
    1094 days ago
  • v JERICHO1991
    Another amusing, and meaningful, post. Love reading, and receiving encouragement from, them.
    1094 days ago
  • v STEVIELG
    emoticon emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v HAPPYMENOW58
    Love it! Very honest....You will get there!
    1094 days ago
  • v KIN59VARA
    I can't believe it I too use my Wii calendar to post my weight gain or loss. However I have different symbols. I let the board do it when I have gained so it is a footprint. When I have a loss I use a starfish. When I have hit my Wii goal then I post a heart. Of course my Wii goal is very small but I love the hearts.

    You are looking SOOOO good. I have been following you for a long time and your transformation is fabulous.
    1094 days ago
  • v ASCIESZKA
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    1094 days ago
  • v CORNERKICK
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    1094 days ago
  • v LILYPAD12311
    You are amazing and inspiring,,,,,,, Way to Go!!!! emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v LOULENE
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    1094 days ago
  • v PANDABEAR42
    great blog and words of encouragement. emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v BLUEJEAN99
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    1094 days ago
  • v SJKENT1
    Thank you Shelli! I give this emoticon for your honesty with yourself and for you adjusting the truth with what you want and with what you will do.

    You will ...

    You are...

    I'm pulling for you sistah!!

    I am thankful for you Shelli -- I've had some adjustments too. Accepting and not letting the gain outweigh the result. I AM making healthier choices for me.

    Yeah emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v GOOSIEMOON
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    1094 days ago
  • v PAULINE1123
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    1094 days ago
  • v ROCKYCPA
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    1094 days ago
  • v CHARTHESTAR
    you are so right.
    you have to learn to accept the fluctuation. Life happens and you have to o go with the flow sometimes.
    1094 days ago
  • v MARMAERT
    OMG, Shelly! Are we twins? I have been stuck between 42 and 47 pounds lost since, well, I don't know. I was wondering the same thing - am I afraid to lose the rest? Am I happy where I am - a "contented cow"? Why can't I lose? I guess I will have to be strict about what goes in my mouth and not eat what everyone else has and not let others (or, I confess) myself distract me from my goal. Maybe we should be "encouragers" for each other to drop below that 50-lb. mark and work together toward it. emoticon
    1094 days ago
  • v CM_GARDNER78
    Yay! :-) You keep on keeping on...and keep on letting us know you are keeping on...so that WE can keep on keeping on!! :-D Love your blogs!!!
    1094 days ago
  • v BLPRETTYGIRL1
    emoticon You speak for most of us !
    1094 days ago
  • v JUSGETTENBY42
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    1094 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.