I had to post a weight gain this week. This is not, however, the end of the world. The sky is still blue, the sun is shining and, as far as I can tell, the earth is still spinning. Whenever I have a weight gain, I change the little sticker on my Wii calendar to a heart and I say aloud, ďI still love myself. Itís all good.Ē This helps me remember that, while numbers are important, I canít let them be the only thing that gives me satisfaction or motivation. So, I go ahead and post that weight gain on my SparkPage when it happens. In the past, Iíve been so disappointed with myself, that I wouldnít post because I couldnít bear to see the ticker go up. But I realized Iím not being honest with myself when I do that. Plus, if I donít post the gain, I canít be happy to watch the little ticker go down when I get the loss. And I need to see that ticker move down. I need that motivation. Also, Iím pretty sure this is the one community that understands weight fluctuations and the challenge of consistently losing weight. Can I get an ďamen?Ē So, I post. It is what it is. Next week will probably be better.
Smileys are for losses, hearts are for gains. Whatever works, people.
And Iím regrouping a little. See, I was trying to hit my Wonder Woman weight goal (down 54 lbs) by the end of this 5% challenge. Not gonna happen. Just not. Itís so far out of the ballpark now, it doesnít serve as a motivating goal anymore. So, instead of giving up and slipping all the way back into old habits, Iím changing my goal. Itís my game, so I feel like I can change the rules when I need to. Heck, I even changed my ticker goal. Is this cheating? I donít care. It works. Know why? Because now I look at that ticker and that revamped goal and I think, ďI can do that. Thatís totally doable.Ē
And doable is what I need. Because the curious thing is, I get right here at the 45-49 lbs down and I hover. Then, I creep back up a little. I havenít been able to break that 50 lb mark yet. I just dance around this number. Iím sure there are lots of reasons; I could give you a shopping list: getting older, exercise is moderate rather than intense, getting sloppy with food, cupboard is bare so weíre making do with whatever we can find around here, I need chocolate, etc. But sometimes, I secretly wonder if Iím afraid of losing that next big chunk. Am I afraid of the work it will take? I donít know. Iím not a lazy person; I actually have a very strong work ethic. I do grow weary of being diligent in the kitchen; I confess that. Am I afraid of success? Of hitting that goal and not being able to maintain? Hmm, that might be it. Iíve done that before. But I didnít have the support of the Spark Community back then. So, maybe I shouldnít be afraid of that, huh? I mean, if I stay active here, no matter what, that gives me a level of accountability and support that I didnít have before. So maybe, just maybe, if thatís whatís partially holding me back--maybe, just maybe, I shouldnít worry about it so much.
So, I post. It is what it is. Next week will probably be better. I still love myself and itís ALL GOOD!
Had to share Audreyís First Day of School pic
And Iíll leave you with two of my latest Creative Journal entries. The first prompt was to make something light look heavy and the second was to make something with pencils.
Classic Spongebob workout
In a bold, strategic move, the Angry Pencils wait for the second day of school, to begin their siege.
Spark ON, Brave Sparkers!!!