Under the dark cloud
Saturday, August 24, 2013
A few years ago I purchased the law of attraction DVD, it was about manifesting the life you wanted. It's been a few years, and what I remember sticking with me was that our thoughts created energy waves or signals and the universe would just send back whatever we put out into the universe. Similar to magnets. It kind of makes sense...whatever you spend you mental energy on you will get more of the same.
Awesome...my life has been on a downward spiral for years. No need to do the complete laundry list. Let's begin with say the last year. I was laid of the second time in 3 years, this time I chose to go back to school to become a Medical Assistant with the hope that the field would bring a better possibility of finding stable employment. I had challenges all along the way with classmates (theft of my wallet and the school did nothing), an externship where I might as well been knitting for the about of hands-on learning I received and with each challenge I told myself keep you eye on the prize....finishing the program and getting a job. I finished the program in March and in April I found a job (the 1st interview I went on) I was thrilled I was hired right away in my field of choice. I couldn't believe how quickly I was hired (Interviewed on a Tuesday and working on a Wednesday) I actually thought the practice manager saw something special in me, I thought the universe was rewarding me for taking a risk in a new career with job to show me I was finally on the right path.
Fast forward 3 months, on the last day of the month I had not received my schedule for July yet so I sent the program manager a text and she replied back with "oh sorry...It didn't work out, a letter was sent to you today" the only explanation I ever received was that "it didn't work out".
So this has been a pretty bummer of a summer. With the extra time I have on my hands it is more clear than ever who I can count on for support and concern and who tolerates me.
It's time for me to accept my situation, accept that no one is going to jump in and help me, accept that I poured a lifetime of energy into people who honestly don't really care about me. Awareness is key, it should prevent me from making the same mistakes and having the same disappointments over and over again.
I want this dark cloud to be lifted, I want to live my life in the light of day. Everything doesn't need to be perfect, I'm only looking for manageable....maybe a spackle kit for the holes :-) The rainbow comes after the storm....right?