In a major Karnivool mood today, the Australian band ruling my world at the moment with what is so far my song of the year, Aeons.
It's an emotional glance into the mind of someone wondering if there's anything after it all ends, spiritually speaking. As someone who is highly wary of the claims of any religion, even the one I nominally follow (for lack of being convinced any of the others are better), this song really speaks to my sense of skepticism tinged with "what if?"
Don't worry, I'm not going off into a comparative religions lecture. Where I am headed is into an observation headlined by the scale this morning observing a weight of 18X.X hanging off my bones. Or, I suppose, including my bones, since I haven't got a built in de-boning option. That's be nice, wouldn't it, to just be able to exclude the calcified weight every time you hopped on the scale? Or, since a lack of boned might make hopping impossible, slithered on the scale?
I read a blog from a sparkfriend lamenting seeing a 18 at the start of the weight once again, but since I'm coming to that weight decade from the opposite side, I'm slightly more optimistic about it. That said, it makes me think about the start of the year, where I left the 180s behind forever for the first time, only to jump back into that particular pool, and exit out the other end. Lately I've been taking my weight on Wednesdays, as per the BLC challenge dictates, and that on a scale in a public space. I think I've got the right number down to translate how much is me, and how much is my clothing (since the disrobing in public is kind of frowned upon, and the window in that space looks over US Highway 12), and rather consistently over the past month that scale has suggested I weigh in the vicinity of 193. That impression has been backed up the couple of times I weighed myself on the weekend, so I have no reason to distrust it.
So, what to make of the midweek 193, and the weekend 189 (189.2, if you must ask exactitudes of my digital scale) I saw this morning? Is this real life? Is this just fantasy? I know I'm at the apex of an avalanche of weight going the wrong way, but is there landslide possibility here? Or is this visit to 180ville just, as the first word to come to mind when I saw it this morning, ephemeral?
I'm actually leaning towards the latter, knowing that right now I lack motivation, or the essential boredom that it takes for me to go to the gym and keep going to the gym. The reason I was able to go regularly to the gym in early 2013 was because I had literally nothing else to do. Sure, I loosed off a flurry of resumes, but you hit send, and then what. Might as well go to the gym. Employment has been bad for my health!
(And yes, I realize and apologize for reiterating a thought that I've made here often before. But it's a thought that occurs to me often.)
So, what's next? After dinner, I mean? Sitting around watching the ballgame? Actually getting up and doing SOMETHING, the likes of which I've failed to do all day (doesn't help when you wake up at 1 PM, because you watched the replay of an NFL Preseason game which started at 12 AM. Not the wisest decision, but hey, Friday's my weekend).
I'll watch the ballgame, and then, maybe, I'll ride on the exercise bike. While watching Arrested Development on Netflix. Or Orange is the New Black, the end of the first episode of which had me OMGOMGOMGing in a way I haven't in a while over a TV moment. Or maybe Breaking Bad the first 4 episodes of which I mainlined in a single setting and then haven't watched again. I guess I just don't think of Netflix as a first line entertainment item, I have this site and news and facebook to scope out when I go on line, and by the time I think I should watch a half hour show on netflix I should have gone to sleep a half hour ago. Maybe I should ignore you so I can see people getting killed over meth? Is that the key here?
But I just realized that the metal festival I'm going to in Atlanta is just two weeks away, and maybe I should make arrangements for a place to park my butt after the show? That would probably be wise. Now to see if I can translate hotel points into free nights, like they promise.
Oh, and here, enjoy another Karnivool song. I don't have a clue which one it is, since I actually started scribbling this blog post three hours ago. I suppose I could plug it in and look it up, but why spoil the mystery?