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    PAM_COOPER   16,984
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Haunted by the past?


Wednesday, August 21, 2013

This is NOT how I wanted my FIRST blog post to begin, but needed to vent. I know people here will understand the feelings I have about this.

I had a new experience yesterday!!! An old friend from out of state was visiting me and while we were out we ran into another old friend. He couldn't remember me and we were describing how I looked back then (40 years ago), my maiden name, who I ran around with, etc. "Back then", in high school years, I weighed between 135 and 150 -- not getting really big until my late 20's.

Anyway, at this point my friend who was standing slightly behind me, did the 'big arm' and 'waddling' gestures, indicating (behind my back) that I was big-fat-huge--whatever. I turned because our other friend was curiously looking past me and at her who was not talking and I caught her making the gestures. She quickly stopped the 'baby Hughie' moves and had that 'caught in the head lights' look. I was a hurt and embarrassed that she would be dramatically emphasizing that I was so big when he didn't even know me during the 'fat' years.

Why must some people emphasize your shortcomings--especially now that I am NOT fat anymore. It is not that I want to forget, (I kinda do) but I just don't want to be reminded of it in such an insensitive way. Haunted by the past? Those old painful feelings of being taunted have returned and I don't like it!

I choose not to let it get me down--but am disappointed. It felt, to me, like all those years when I was actually fat and publicly ridiculed or judged for being fat had returned.

Well, have a great day everyone and ignore the stupid, insensitive people!!!!
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

ARMATTHAEI 9/5/2014 8:10PM

    Sorry that you had that experience. Sometimes our friends don't mean to be hurtful, but are reminding us of the pain to keep us moving in the right direction. This doesn't seem to be the case in this situation, but by reframing it in this way it may help.

Hope you keep being sucessful in this life long journey.

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MARSHMELLO1729 11/26/2013 11:06PM

  I will never understand why certain people like to do a put down or do embarrassing things to hurt people our job is to build etch other up .

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JEWELS231981 11/24/2013 9:51AM

    People make me sick and insensitive. People are so mean to each other! So sorry this so called friend treated you that way. Sending you hugs! emoticon

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STEPHLOKI 11/17/2013 12:04PM

    I so hear you! People can be so insensitive.

Have been in several similar situations like that.

Hugs

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POUTINGPEGGY 9/3/2013 1:15PM

    This is so sad. People are really insensitive, more they are cruel. Now you know her true colours get rid of her and her negative energy.

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PAM_COOPER 8/23/2013 8:15PM

    Thanks everyone! Sorry for the delay in responding, this has been a busy week catching up after an unexpected trip out of state.

I think this was just one of those 'crash' moments. This guy didn't even remember me, even though I hung out with his older brother off and on. And even if he did remember, it was from 40 years ago - when I was young and a pretty average size. So, why was it so important that she point out that I was any different than the person he saw. I happened to remember him from those days and had no idea this was the same guy.

I don't have to worry about that happening again soon, at least not with her. She lives across the country and went back yesterday. Now that her folks are gone, coming 'home' is much rarer. She is a bit 'self centered' sometimes (I've known her since we were 10), but making fun of me behind my back just took the cake!
(Ha! Ha! I don't need cake anyway!!!!)
I just wouldn't have expected that from an old 'friend' ( -- more so because of our long ago 'history'and being one of her few remaining HS groupies still on home turf.) Our 'departure' a short time later that day, although amiable, didn't include setting up a 'next time'. I think we both knew that we just didn't have that much in common anymore . . .

I know people will be people and it is human nature to express or emphasize some extreme change they see in others. I am also willing to discuss my former size, if it comes up. However, this method of 'delivery' was demeaning, childish, and blatantly inappropriate.

I will tuck this away after this thread and keep my head up! . . . and my weight down!!!
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Thanks to all of you for just letting me vent! emoticon

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BRADMILL2922 8/22/2013 2:41AM

    Wow, that is terrible! Sorry you had to deal with that!

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SLENDERELLA61 8/21/2013 9:12PM

    I'm so sorry that you had to go through that. You didn't deserve it. Avoid that so-called friend. Take care of yourself. Living Well is the best revenge.....

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BAMALANE 8/21/2013 5:42PM

    Umm...that chick is not your friend, and I imagine the other classmate must have thought she was ridiculous. This person has never grown up and I am quite certain she has a lot of insecurity issue. I say bye-bye to that piece of work.

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USE4ANON 8/21/2013 4:28PM

    Being a bit stereotypical here, but in my view she has stayed in high school or at least she had continued to model a catty or bullying type of "school yard" behaviour. From 40 years ago??

Wow. She hasn't moved on from that?

I think you are on target with wondering why she was ever your friend. You obviously have nothing in common, as you have maturity and manners and she has - hmm - insecurities. Did she think that would make her look good in this guy's eyes? At what price - someone else's discomfort? She certainly knew it was wrong but couldn't help herself. That speaks volumes.

She is the one who should be embarrassed.

Sort of reminds me of someone who ran into my mother at a high school reunion. My mother was 60 and actually did not have, or ever have, a weight problem so it wasn't a weight insult. Several people there were remarking on how young she looked. Over and over people said it. So, one of the women there from her high school days just had to quash that and [seriously] said really, it was more that she had never looked young. For a few seconds my mom felt great meeting up with former friends who said boy don't you look wonderful. Crash - thanks for the insult. Thanks for stopping by??

If you can't say something nice........

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KELLIEBEAN 8/21/2013 2:55PM

    That was very immature of your friend. I hope she is cringing, wondering why she did such a thing and apologizes.

Some people seem to need to emphasize others' short comings to feel better about themselves. It's a sad existence!

Congrats on tour accomplishments and becoming a healthier version of yourself!

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ABAKER34 8/21/2013 2:53PM

    I would have been extremely hurt had one of my friends done that to me, and would be doing some serious thinking about that friendship. Who needs friends that make fun of us? emoticon

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BAMAJAM 8/21/2013 2:47PM

  PS--- Yes--- Insensitive Idiot !!!
More hugs!

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BAMAJAM 8/21/2013 2:46PM

  So sorry for your experience---
There are "clods" everywhere, and they sure do live among us---everywhere!
Seek a different route from theirs!
Hugs!!

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BLUENOSE63 8/21/2013 2:09PM

  Plain and simple that ignorant person is not your friend.....how old is that person because they are acting like an 8 year old.

Walk away quickly and don't look back.

Hope your day gets better

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OBIESMOM2 8/21/2013 2:08PM

    I agree with Kat - that was TOTALLY uncalled for. I wouldn't do that to a stranger, much less a friend. Time to cull the herd.

emoticon on your healthy lifestyle & your progress! emoticon

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KATIAT325 8/21/2013 1:57PM

    It's better to learn who your real friends are, and in this case it's better late than never. What your "friend" did was uncalled for, and downright mean. I would never do that to any of my friends. I have friends who have lost weight, and I commented to them about what an amazing job they've done, and how motivating they are for the rest of us. NEVER would I, or anyone I associate with, make fun of them. You probably already know this, but it's time to reevaluate your friendship with this woman.



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