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    TRAXINA   22,156
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Bad news

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

I finally went to the doctor about my leg.
She said my exam was normal, what did I want her to do?
I said, well, it hurts -- so obviously there's something wrong. What's wrong, and how do we heal it?
She kept telling me she didn't know what was wrong, and I burst into tears in her office.

Running is how I relieve stress, and I'm in a very stressful time right now. Yet she was telling me not only that I can't run, but that I can't bike, swim, hike, walk, or work out in any way that uses my legs. I kind of understand this, because logic says (to me) that if my leg is hurting from something I injured while running, I should probably stay off of it. But for her to not be able to say what was wrong -- I fell apart.

She seemed frightened at my outburst, and said, "OK, OK, I refer you to physical terapy!" But then she said I'd have to wait weeks to get an appointment so it probably wouldn't help. Nice.

To say I am feeling low is a huge understatement. I cry all the time. I was in Alaska last week (for work), and it was my first time there. Rather than being joyful at the excitement of The Last Frontier, I was stressed out and made terrible choices with my eating, which drove me lower and lower. I saw my best friend last weekend -- it's been almost two years -- and while it was so good to see her, I was preoccupied with this stress coming from every direction.

Much like I know how to stave off emotional eating but don't actually execute those strategies, I know other ways to let off steam. But I'm not doing them. I'm greedy. I want to run. I don't want to turn into this fat wife that my husband doesn't deserve, especially as he's returning from his overseas tour. It's like I'd rather wallow in self-pity (WISP, as my mom calls it) because I've been beaten.

Maybe I'll come around... we'll see. But I won't be burning any calories until then, and the "calories to burn this week" number on my SparkPage is mocking me.
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

CBLENS 8/22/2013 6:14AM

    As long as you don't allow the WISP to take over. Heal your leg so that you can be great in the long run.

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OJIBWEEQUAY 8/21/2013 1:31PM

    hugs friend!!!!!! i feel that way at times! i had PF, IT band issues, PT again and again so I feel your pain! Hang in there emoticon

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HILLSLUG98239 8/21/2013 11:01AM

    Life is a marathon, not a sprint. You're in one of those miles that nothing feels right and your body just wants to quit. You'll get through this.

I think we all deserve an occasional wallow in self-pity. It's like an opiate. If you just do it for a short time, it's therapeutic. If you stay there too long, it's destructive. You'll know when it's time to get out of that WISP (I like that!) and back to your regular life.

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