Tuesday, August 20, 2013
My 21-year-old son and I have always gotten along. Except of course when we butted heads a few times when he was finding his independence as a teenager. We always made up and hugged. He was the sweet boy who kissed me on the lips nightly before bed, until he was 8 and asked if it was ok if he didn’t kiss me like that anymore.
When I was 210 pounds, he was in early elementary school. I used to try to go sit with him for lunch regularly. I was embarrassed because all the other moms were fit and trim (at least those were the ones I focused on), and it was hard to fit at their tables, but I knew how important it was for me to be involved in his school life. I was never able to do this with my older kids, I can’t remember why.
One day after school, he and I were talking about his school day. He surprised me by telling me that he was embarrassed to have me with him at school and please don’t come any more. So I stopped going to his school except for meetings, and then I was even more self-conscious. If my 6-year-old observed my size was an embarrassment, it gave me more fuel to be ashamed. This was a catalyst of the beginning of my diligence in losing weight.
When I did lose a good bit, my 13-year-old daughter was hugging me, and as she reached around me she exclaimed,” my arms can reach all the way around you!” That was a revelation to me and really meant a lot. The kids were acting proud of me and my efforts. I was truly making progress!
I continued to lose weight, and I have a few vague recollections of complements from the kids. I knew I had done what I set out to do.
My son, the one I started out talking about, and I have spent hours at coffee shops over the past 4 years. We love to sit and talk. He is a bright insightful young man. (He’s VERY attractive as well! But he doesn’t realize it.) He likes to eat healthy and exercise. He is aware of all my current struggles and goals for myself and we discuss the mind games we play with ourselves to help motivate ourselves. Overall, we have very lively discussions. I love him to pieces!
He’s learning to feel confident and have a better self-image. All his life he came across as very confident and cool. But he was insecure. I never realized that until he became an adult! Poor kid! He now has a life-coach who is helping him with all of that. This man is a perfect helper for him; we have seen tremendous growth in him.
Sunday after church, he and I were talking out by my car. He told me something that made me feel really good. Something unexpected. He told me that I look really healthy. That itself was wonderful to hear from him. He added that that really means that I am attractive. Woah! I never thought I’d hear him say such a thing to ME! He said, “Healthy is attractive.” I’d rather hear these words instead of, “You look like you’ve lost weight.” I never think of myself as attractive. (Hubby hasn’t said it very much through the years.) It doesn’t bother me, I don’t think I’m ugly, but I almost always think I look like I need to fix my body.
I wish you all could meet my son. He is a gem!