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    MARYONAMISSION   31,910
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Weigh in #8 and #9 & Weekend Eats


Tuesday, August 20, 2013

***Warning this is looong****

The past two weeks have been HAAAARD!!!! We had a major reduction in force (AKA: layoffs) at work and one person from my team was affected and another one found another job so I got all this extra work piled on to my already jam packed work load. My major complaint is that I got saddled with a lot of HRIS duties and Iím not in HRIS or a techy person at all. I have Rich for all the technology issues in my life. I cook and bake and do laundry and he fixes the modem or uploads music to my phone or gets the virus off my computer.

Life has been good like that and I liked being blissfully unaware of anything I considered techy. My brain has no room for this. Well now Iím the administrator of our learning management system at work. This behemoth system is not user friendly, not logical and Iím pretty sure it hates me. Did I mention I had to learn the entire system in about 3 days of training when the previous administrator had 3 weeks of training. Not good at all! Not only that but I had to get a crash course in coding because thatís the only way this things work along with how to build queries and logic and blah, blah, blah. Iím surprised I havenít blow up the system already.

I know it will take time to learn this system but no one knows it but the girl who left. I am now the ďexpertĒ and the thing scares me. On top of that I have my other co-workers job responsibilities. I feel like Iím barely able to breathe and just keeping my head above water.
Needless to say that this has been stressful and Iíve been riddled with anxiety ever since.

Logically I know that I will learn it, it takes time, Iíll get into a routine soon and everything wonít feel so overwhelming. But the other side of me is really scared and panicked that I will not be able to do it all.

I was surprised though that my first instinct wasnít to binge on food even with the constant feeling of anxiety. It was a pretty big win for me the first week to still eat healthy during the week and workout.

But now on top of everything else for the past week Iíve been sleeping 2-3 hours a day. I canít for the life of me fall asleep and when I do I wake up 2-3 hours later and canít get back to sleep. Iíve been extremely exhausted and lethargic and have not had the energy to workout or even do yoga, which I love.

The constant exhaustion really derailed me last week. I worked out two days and the rest of the week I had to take car naps during lunch just to make it through the day. I also had no energy or inclination to cook. I had McDonaldís for breakfast and taco bell, Panera, Chipotle and lean cuisines for dinners. My only good meal was lunch because I had pre-made my salads over the weekend but the rest of it was garbage and I feel like pooh. Not to mention that I probably only drank 8 glasses of water for the entire week. My liquid consumption was mostly coffee (to help me stay awake) and diet Pepsi (to help me stay awake too).

Iíve finally made an appointment with my therapist and with my primary care doctor and hope they can help with both my anxiety and my sleep. Iíve had trouble sleeping since high school and always struggled with falling asleep but itís never been quite like this.

I know though that eating like I did last week is not the answer. It only made me feel worse about myself and didnít even marginally help with my anxiety. Either way Iím going to have to deal with what Iím going through and I can make the decision to eat healthy and workout as much as I can or I can do nothing and slip back. Backwards is never the way to go. I want to move forward and I want to succeed.

There will always be tough times in life, now and in the future and I canít let every time lead me in the wrong direction. I canít use it as an excuse to give up and tell myself Iíll figure it out when the dust settles. That DOES NOT work! Thatís what Iíve always done and thatís why I havenít succeeded.

Although it was a tough lesson Iíve learned that no matter whatís going on around me I have to focus on myself and my health and do positive things. After this passes I want to look back and be proud of how I handled it, not regretful. Food is not the answer. The answer is to be kind to myself, love myself enough to not let the bumps in life take me down.

I think the key to really and finally reaching my goals is to just keep forging ahead, even with the anxiety and feeling uncomfortable and scared about work and being tired. One step, then another and then another. Conquering one battle at a time is what wins the war.

Iím strong and Iím out to WIN!!!!!!

SATURDAY Aug 10
Breakfast: Eggs, turkey sausage, ketchup and toast with iced coffee.


Lunch: Yogurt and a banana


Dinner: Even though I had made chili for dinner Rich showed up with pizza and chocolate cake and who can say no to pizza and chocolate cake?



Exercise: None
Total calories: did not track
Calories Burned: -0

SUNDAY Aug 11
Breakfast: Eggs and potato hash with two tortillas. I also had coffee.


And yes that is Becca under the coffee table. She's so weird!

Lunch: Turkey sandwich and kettle chips


Dinner: chili with cheese and two cornbread muffins with jam



Total Calories: Did not track
Calories burned: 0

WEIGH IN RESULT #8:

Starting Weight: 233
Last weigh in: 209.4
Current Weight: 209.4 (-0) Stayed the same.
Total Weight Loss: -23.6

SATURDAY Aug 18
Breakfast: Blueberry oatmeal with fresh blueberries and cinnamon almonds.


Snack: Banana


Lunch: Turkey sandwich and kettle chips


Dinner: This time I ordered the pizza and threw in the cheese fries for good measure. Ugh!



Exercise: None
Total calories: did not track
Calories Burned: -0

SUNDAY Aug 19
Breakfast: Went out to eat and got the chorizo skillet and French toast. I ate most of the skillet but there was way too much chorizo so I left about half the meat. I also only had one French toast.


Snack: Snickers ice cream bar


Lunch & Dinner: None. My body finally gave way to exhaustion and I fell asleep around 2 pm on Sunday and I did not wake up until 3:30 am on Monday. My body was tired but now my sleep was all messed up. Ugh!


Exercise: None
Total Calories: Did not track
Calories burned: 0

WEIGH IN RESULT #9:

Starting Weight: 233
Last weigh in: 209.4
Current Weight: 210.4 (+1) Wrong way but thankfully this wasnít worse.
Total Weight Loss: -22.6

Just reminding myself again...
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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TRENTDREAMER 10/23/2013 8:25AM

    Sorry to hear about all of the stress.

Sleep is definitely a killer if one doesn't get enough of it. Best of fortune to you on that.

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CONFUSEDBIRD 9/5/2013 6:46AM

    I am sorry you are going through so much, i hope you get on your feet again soon and get some rest. Just remember it's your job to do your best but also you are only 1 person and you have to take care of YOU as well.

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ASHESS85 8/26/2013 10:19AM

    Wow that is a lot going on! I say its a win for staying strong and only gaining the 1 pound. The important thing is that you know what went wrong and you're on the road to getting back on track. You got this Mary! And I know you will learn and rock that system in no time at all!

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ERNOINACTION 8/20/2013 5:43PM

    I can relate to what you're saying about your job. I feel like I have an unmanagable workload and there is talk about co-workers leaving. If that happend I'd be very close to your situation. I know it's hard but you'll get through it.

I think the fact that you're thinking about what you're doing and recognizing that you need some help in the process is the best think you can be doing right now. Sometimes life is overwhelming. What I've learned is I start by thinking about change and then take action when I'm ready. No, it's not ideal but it gets you back to where you need and want to be.

I have total confidence you'll get through this is get back to where you want to be. (Also, pizza is a difficult one. I ate some this past weekend too and then felt guilty. I won't order pizza again and I have to have meals handy. Lesson learned and now I'm moving on)

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MILLER*TIME 8/20/2013 2:35PM

    in response to BNALSHAWY24... I had to laugh, and then roll my eyes. Seriously.

You are certainly BUSY! I'm with you on the tech stuff, I make hubby do everything. Even on my cell phone if I push something and get into stuff I can't get out of lol. Hope you get back on track and your sleep improves!

Comment edited on: 8/20/2013 2:36:08 PM

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SUZIPAM1 8/20/2013 1:22PM

    all your food is yellow or brown - you need more green and colorful vege and fruit - after a while it is as good as your pizza ever was

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EMMACORY 8/20/2013 1:18PM

    It is about progress not perfection. You have insight into what is happening and why. You have taken steps to seek help. You are doing emoticon Every day is new and an opportunity to make choices that lead yous in the direction you want to go. You have my sympathy over all things tech.... emoticon

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BNALSHAWY24 8/20/2013 1:15PM

    Why are you eating so many calories and fats without exercise? Is that a diet plan I don't know about. Boy that food looks good.

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