i really don't want to write this blog... but dag-burn-it, here i go anyway!
i am already doing what i said i wasn't gonna do in my last blog...
i said i wasn't going to stress if the scale didn't say the weight i wanted. now, let's be clear, i didn't need it to say i was down 10 pounds from last week, but i certainly thought it was gonna be FIVE pounds! i have been eating in my ranges, exercising 5 times this past week, and getting 10,000+ steps everyday, which i have never have done in the past.
i stepped on the scale, still saw 180 lbs, stared harder, trying to "will" the scale to move. i guess you could say, i was trying to use my jedi mind skills... "these aren't the pounds you are looking for!" nope, didn't work.
so, then questions start...
why didn't it move? did i not work out enough? did i need to eat fewer calories? could i have done more?
then of course, i start thinking of all the comments i have left for other people, who were disappointed about the scale not moving...
"hey, don't worry, remember victories are not only on the scale (clothes fitting better, stronger cardiovascular when doing exercise dvds, ect.)
"hey, the scale isn't the end all be all"
"don't get discouraged, this is a new day!"
"you can do this, don't give up!"
tell me, why can i give all the positive comments to other people, and truly believe it, but i can't believe it when i say it to myself, or when others say it to me? why when i have a day like this, all are hear is my negative self talking? i believe others can do it, but i can't. my thoughts are flooding in of being a failure, worthless, i can't do it, why even try (especially since i worked so hard on everything this week), now i am behind in my goals, even further (my goals are realistic).
i know and believe that EVERYONE else can do it, but not myself... people always tell me how happy and positive i am, and how much i encourage them, help them believe in themselves, but darn it, i can't do the same for myself. what the heck is wrong with me? i am sure, if i was watching a movie about a girl who didn't believe in herself, i would be like, "come on, you can do it, keep trying, don't give up!" but the minute it is me, that all goes away.
don't worry, i am not giving up, i am gonna work harder this week. i have 6 days off, i am not gonna waste them, feelin' sorry for myself... i just had to write down my thoughts, hopefully get them outta my head, and do what i need to do. now, i am getting off this computer, and do what i need to do. eat right, work out, and 10,000+ steps everyday, keep visualizing myself at my ideal weight. maybe this is just my body hoping i will give up, and start eating all the garbage food i used to, and keep my butt on the couch and do nothing. well, that isn't gonna happen, this is a new lifestyle, i am not gonna quit, i will keep fighting!