This past week has been tough and I've pretty much been an emotional wreck.
I'm home again in my apartment and since my roommate is still out of town, I've had some alone time to think (and eat, unfortunately.) I'm trying not to beat myself up over my eating. These bad habits aren't ones that can easily be changed overnight and the things that have happened have made it hard for me to focus on it as much as I would like.
One thing is for sure, though-- I am still working on it. My mindset is slowly, but surely, changing.
After having some time to clear my mind and think (without being constantly yelled at), I sought out the things that make me happy, the reasons why I keep pushing myself no matter how hard it gets.
Teaching. Something I will always love. I have the opportunity to make a difference in other's lives. I have the chance to influence and change lives. And that is such a wonderful thing. This is why I strive to be the best teacher I can possibly be.
I was thinking about a former teacher the other day...one that I had in middle school. Even though we didn't talk much, she changed my life. I remember her kindness and her apparent passion for teaching. She gave me strength to push on through a tough time when I was being hurt both at home and at school. She was the only one to ever say anything about my bruises. As a result, I wasn't hit as much at home. I don't think she realized what a difference she made in my life, so I found her contact information and emailed her. I thanked her for what she did and for inspiring me to keep pushing on, and told her how I am at college studying Music Education. I wasn't even sure if it would go through, but it did...and she responded! It was so nice to hear from her and it helped me feel a lot better.
School. I just love learning, and always will. I enjoy putting full effort into my work. This is one part of my life where I am successful and I'm proud of myself for maintaining a 4.0!
Music. I think this is pretty self-explanatory. Music is always there, and always will be. Being able to share this with my students and seeing their accomplishments and growth through music is the best feeling in the world!
Friends. Including my SparkFriends! I'm so lucky to have such great friendships and support. I love and cherish my friendships very much.
Dreams of the future. I can always dream of one day having my own, close family and being a successful music educator, having a car, reaching my goal weight, etc. And I can work towards making those dreams a reality.
Things may not be great right now, but I have decided to allow myself to be happy. Maybe I'm expected to be hurting, crying, running back to my family, giving up, or whatever. I don't know. All I know is that, I have too much good stuff going on to allow that to happen. I am incredibly lucky. And while it is not likely to be happy every minute of my journey, I am overall happy.
And no matter what life throws at me, I will get through it. I will push on and I will never give up.
Thanks to my fellow Sparkers for helping me get back on my feet.