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SUNSHINE65
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Late Night

Monday, August 19, 2013

A man in Colorado wants marijuana to be classified as a vegetable. I just have to say that that’s an ingenious way to get Americans to stop smoking pot. -Conan O'Brien

Before they went on vacation, Congress voted to exempt themselves from Obamacare. They gave themselves a special exemption because they thought it was too expensive. So the people who voted for Obamacare for us voted to exempt themselves from it. You know how doctors take the Hippocratic Oath. Congress apparently takes the ‘Hypocritic Oath’. -Jay Leno

The New York City Department of Education says that only 26 percent of the city’s students passed the English portion on a recent standardized test. But on the bright side, they’re too bad at math to realize how bad that is. -Jimmy Fallon

The Mars rover Curiosity is celebrating its first anniversary on Mars. So far, in the year it’s been up there it’s sent back 70,000 photos. I know that sounds like a lot, but it’s still less than Anthony Weiner sent out. -Jay Leno

The NFL is considering hiring a mother of three to be a referee. They wanted someone who's used to giving time-outs. -Conan O'Brien

A new survey found that one-third of married women with pets say their animals are better listeners than their husbands. When husbands heard that they were like, 'Huh? You say something?' -Jimmy Fallon

According to a survey by Playboy magazine, three percent of women can't remember their natural hair color. You know what you call these women? Blondes. -Jay Len
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