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    CORTNEY-LEE   51,449
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Not Fitting In

Monday, August 19, 2013

We went to a BBQ Saturday night at my Boyfriend's friend's house. I get along well with most of his friends, except there is one couple that never makes me feel welcome.

The girl is nice to me when my boyfriend is around, but shoots me dirty looks, rolls her eyes at me, won't talk to me and is just a general B to me. Her husband, who is the alpha male of the group, does things to instigate.

For example, he says things like "Why won't you let him have a motorcycle"?
I think I finally set him straight on that! That he doesn't have a motorcycle because of me, he doesn't have one because he is too cheap to buy one. Then he tells stories about the times when they used to go out and get drunk. Honestly speaking... I don't want to hear those stories.

First, I can't relate to any of them. Most of them take place in preppy bars that I wouldn't be caught dead in. I don't find any of it funny because I wasn't there and it just sounds stupid to me.

Second, I don't care to hear some of the stories, especially ones that take place in some sleazy strip club. It just isn't stuff that you talk about in front of someone's girlfriend.

He seems to talk about things he knows get under my skin. I can see he does it to try to cause a fight between us, and honestly he usually succeeds at it.

So yeah --

Of course I am always on the defense with these people, and my anxiety level is usually sky high. I am overly sensitive and react poorly to the situation. I usually have a bit of a psycho moment, and storm off because he makes me upset.

So, I have decided - I am going to discuss it with my boyfriend, and if he is ok with it, I will invite all of his friends over for a picnic. They don't even have to bring anything. I will make all of the food. The only thing I ask is that they bring their own beer/wine. I will provide all of the food. I guess as a way to say that I am willing to play nice. I am even going to leave my friends out of it so that I am forced to interact with them.

Anyway, I think that is all for now

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  Member Comments About This Blog Post:

TEREMC 8/22/2013 5:22PM

  sounds like no fun. Let us know how the picnic works out

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PATRICIA441 8/21/2013 8:50PM

  Is there any way you can talk to your BF about how you do not want to hear about his past from these so called friends . I would think he would want to be careful of your feelings. Hope the get together at your place works out well for you. Remember you are a very special person and deserve to be treated so.

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LOVINGAFRICA 8/20/2013 4:19AM

    ANRRNN Is so right!
Just be super kind, go kill em!
Don't come between him and his buddies. Allow him to be friends with them. When he talks about strippers and seedy parties, it reflects on him. It has nothing to do with you, your BF did not even know you then. Don't let him win by storming off and having a pshyco moment. (Shame, don't you think that your poor BF used you as an excuse when they were bugging him about a bike, and you called his bluff!)
Some friendships just die a natural death.
I have been married for more than a decade. I used to hate my DH's friends. They were just not my type of people. Suffered through visits and weekends. Miserable. But when we hit a tough spot, they were the ones who rallied around and really supported us in word and deed and wallet. My grander friends ALL bailed. I now treasure them for the blessings that they are.
So my best advise my Friend is to kill them with kindness until you get to the place where you have them in your heart for real. You never know what treasures hide behind a prickly exterior.

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ANRRN12 8/20/2013 3:51AM

    That sounds REALLY frustrating! Sorry you have to go through that. I think inviting everyone over is a great idea, get some time on your turf. Seems like he is just trying to get under your skin...so don't let him! I always say "kill em with kindness". The nicer you are regardless of what he is saying and trying to do, the more annoyed he'll get that he isn't pushing your buttons. Good luck!

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COCK-ROBIN 8/19/2013 11:19PM

    I'm so sorry.

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