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Vacation, missing dad, getting ready...setting new goals

Monday, August 19, 2013

The "Big Mac" Mackinaw Bridge - St. Ignace Michigan

the night sky in St. Ignace from uptop a sovenier shop
We did the walking tour in St. Ignace Friday and Saturday

We did the walking tour in Mackinaw City - stopped at a rodeside park and almost walked under the bridge

We toured the Ice Breaker- the Mackinaw Ship
We got a good workout that day - from the engine room to the top deck we climbed the steep stairs up and down and down and up and up and down again

We toured four or five or maybe a few more museums
I think we walked through at least 50 stores... hubby likes to go through all the shops

We missed a ship by about 10 minutes at the soo-locks, the next one would not be coming through until 5pm - we went a walking through every shop on the strip... In case you do not know about the soo-locks here is a link:

We traveled about a little over an hour from St. Ignace to the Soo-locks

McGulpin Point Light House in Mackinaw City

Chief Wawatam Light House in St. Ignace

Sorry the pictures are sideways - they are not on my computer yet where I can edit them.

Vacation was relaxing, but still too thoughtful on my dad. I know what I need is time. I still think too much on the last week of dad's life. My car was still being repaired and I was not making the time at night - the last full visit I had with dad was the Monday of that week - we had a nice hour visit and when I got up to leave - dad hugged me very tight and did not want to let go. I know he knows he was dying. There are too many things that he did that week, I know he knew. Tuesday he got his boogey cart - his "go go traveler" - he was like a kid in a candy store or a kid on Christmas morning - he was so HAPPY and excited to have some independence!! He fought hard to get that thing up there! Wednesday - I was going for a visit, but then my mom called - her and my sister was going up there - well part of the drama before Thursday came in the form of my mom rarely going to see dad, my sister was not a consistent visitor either and she was in charge of dad's money.... I decided to wait until Thursday lunch time. I took it for granted that dad was doing OK, although Wed when I talked to him I heard the congestion in his voice that always made me take him to the drs, to be checked - he always got checked with his congestive heart failure and copd... the nurse checked him, hospice was coming Thursday afternoon, I got complacent. Dad knew I loved him, dad knew I followed through for him, dad knew he could count on me. Dad knew! But I keep telling myself - I hate that he died feeling like he was a prisoner (he often said this to me cuz of the loss of his independence - stuck in a wheel chair, unable to walk,ect), and feeling like my mom hated him and wasnt welcome to go home. I hate that! He knew I loved him so much! He knew I would have taken him home with me, but he needed more care than I could give him, hence Hospice. Hence the nursing home. I could not do it all. But I loved him so much I would have tried! I miss the doing for him. I miss HIM and his phone calls and the sharing of God's word and God's message. I miss his presence. He was bigger than life to me no matter how sick or frail he got. One of my memories that pull at my heart is when I left mom and dad's apartment one time when they lived in Armada - dad was standing in his window like a little kid waiving at me, looking at me like - do you have to leave? do you have to leave me here? I cried then and I cry now at the memory.

Getting ready for new classes tomorrow. I am not excited. I am full of sadness. My dad wont be here to see me graduate. He wont be here to share in my accomplishment of earning my BA. (the only one in our family)

However, I am setting new goals:
I am doing well on my weight loss journey - 8 more pounds and I will reach one of my smaller goals - 25 pounds!! woohoo!
1. continue to take healthy snacks to eat at school - so I do not come home at 11pm hungry
2. continue to stop and get a hot tea on the way and drink water through out my four hour class
3. continue to get my 7-8 hours of sleep a night - I just have to adjust to a new time frame - I currently am in bed by 11pm and up between 7-8am. (might be in bed, asleep by 12), my new goal will be in bed by 12:00 - asleep by 1 and up by 9. New time frame - will take a bit to adjust to. I am in class until 10 and then have the hour drive home.
4. get back on track with my videos with Coach Nicole, since dad died - I just have not been able to do this - I have been walking still - but no videos, I need to get back on track with strength training and everything else!

Sorry such a long blog.

God Bless you!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • STRINGI719
    You are doing incredibly well in dealing with everything you've gone though, and all that you have going on. I hope your vacation was a wonderful time of restoration and rejuvenation. I pray you are experiencing the Lord's peace in your soul.
    1638 days ago
    emoticon about your Dad

    Thanks for sharing the lovely pictures, hope you had some fun.

    1642 days ago
    emoticon The time you spent with him will be remembered. You have done more than enough so rest now. Your hubby needs attention too. Enjoy your vacation. emoticon emoticon
    1643 days ago
    emoticon Thanks for sharing your vacation with us and how you're doing. Good to do both. Your goals are good. You're making great progress with your studies. Be gentle with yourself. emoticon
    1644 days ago
    emoticon You did all that you could, Jean. Remember to be kind to yourself. Keep busy--hopefully that will help ease the pain.
    1644 days ago
    emoticon Praying for you...
    1644 days ago
    1644 days ago
    he knew you loved him. He will always be there in spirit. emoticon
    1644 days ago
    You did everything you could because that's who you are, Jean. Hugs.
    1644 days ago
    I know that you miss him and I know that you will always think of him and you did the best thing for him and he knows that you LOVE him,. Take heart and remember the good times with him. emoticon
    1644 days ago
    I'm sure getting away was good for you. Thinking of him often is a blessing. Our loved ones are never really gone as long as they live in our memories and in our conversation. I think it's sad when people try not to think of or talk about loved ones who are gone.

    Way to go on getting back on track with your goals. He would be proud of your progress! emoticon
    1644 days ago
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