Monday, August 19, 2013
I had a bad day yesterday and ate a few bites I did not log and while I could have logged them I am glad I didn't. I needed to give myself a break. I had been on a daily 1200 calorie deficit for quite a while and I needed to distress a little. I still ended my day with a deficit but I am not going to beat myself up over not logging a nibble or a bite. Ok, I admit I am a food addict but food addiction is a very difficult addiction. It's not like alcohol or drugs. You can't just stop eating. You can however learn about normal moderation and balance. As a scientist, I am very methodical with my tracking but I will not track a single bite of pudding, especially on a reward day. For one, for the most part it is very difficult to measure that single bite. Yes, you could go into detail that well that was on tablespoon of pudding and there are such and such tablespoons in a cup, but really is that sustainable? Are you going to be a happy and healthy individual logging and entering a tablespoon. Yeah, I know I am overweight and I should log everything and I log for the most part everything. But I feel if I have one bite of pudding on a bad day, I am not going to log it just as I am not going to log my walk to the mailbox. I mean you can and that is totally ok if you do but don't tell me to. My goal is to create a healthy relationship with food and exercise. Not make food the enemy. Food is necessary. I do find my self feeling guilty after that spoonful of pudding but after thinking about it was probably 10-20 calories overall. I have burned that sitting here typing this. So, I have to ask myself what is a healthy relationship with food. Well, for one knowing limits and knowing yourself. I am a single 30 year old woman, am for the most part a vegetarian (not because of beliefs but because my body just has difficulty eating meat), I am semi active, I am a lover of life. I am all these things and I am overweight. Yes, it did not happen overnight but it was because I was extreme with it. I would binge eat. In my journey of weight loss, I have found the reason why I developed this relationship with food was because of my childhood. I was a pageant gal. I constantly had to diet and alter my appearance for the sake of being judged. What did this create? Well.... it has had some benefits like I am a great public speaker, I have a great sense of style, and I can dance and sing and perform at a drop of a hat. But it made me loathe food and in the end myself. It created an unhealthy relationship with food. So now after I have lost 34 lbs, I think to myself once I lose my last pounds how am I going to maintain? Am I going to nitpick everything? I think that will just have me fall back into my old ways. So no, I am going to have that one bite of pudding, not log it, and dance like nobody is watching. Look, wow, now I have burned that spoonful of pudding. Here's to being a healthier you! Let's take the judging out of the picture, either yourself or others, and learn to live! Track your food and exercise but cause it keeps you accountable and that helps you realize how much you eat but do it in a healthy way! Never give up, never surrender!