Some things became clear.
1- I'm trying to race time without a functional hourglass. Need to learn to be ok with being in school longer. Take one semester at a time. Breathe.
2. I accepted this amazing opportunity to intern at a museum. But I know I need to have space on my schedule. So I'm taking 2 college classes. I almost said 'only' two classes but that diminishes how challenging my schedule will be (work, internship, 2 classes). I need to pump myself up not put myself down because I'm not taking a full course load. I AM A WARRIOR. FORGING AHEAD! I AM DOING GOOD! It's ok to not do everything, because doing everything is actually impossible.
3. I'm going to a nutritionist iyh next Friday for the first appointment. With my schedule, I need someone who will hold my hand because it's challenging to be on top of so many different things.
4. I need to take more pictures of myself. I need to show myself that my body is beautiful no matter the size. I love my dark complexion, full lips, nail beds... I'm not sure about this but I should start taking selfie photos like everyone else my age. I need to take myself less seriously.
5. I need to stop comparing myself to my friends. weight, college, career. I am ME. and I need to learn to be ok with that.
which leads to the age old question of who am i and how does one define themselves.
Which really is the basis of everything. Needing to be ok with who I am without hiding behind my schedule to validate my existence or using weight as an additional excuse to hide.
Is that what everything comes down to? ideas of self-worth, self-esteem, self-confidence?
I'm not all unicorns and glitter, aka perfect, and that's ok. it's time to turn my back on the clock (and on comparisons) and learn to love me. How is the question...