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Stress - keeping it at bay

Monday, August 19, 2013

My DH really wants to move to Cape Coral Florida. He is driving me a bit crazy. When he gets something in his mind he just won't stop. And he is one of those people that if he doesn't get what he wants he is a pain to live with. So he wants to sell our main house here and make plans to move. I want to take more time to investigate. I like living here. The cost of living here is great, the weather perfect, etc. He is ready though to be back in the states. The good news is that after our trip to Florida I can visualize living on a canal in Florida but I don't want to rush into things. He is driving me a bit crazy right now. Anyone else out there have a selfish DH who wants his way always? I work hard to remain open minded and positive to elevate the stress of thinking of moving and all of that. I am also a person that looks for the good in everything even the situations that are so difficult, like the crazy law suit that is totally bogus with the neighbors that don't even live here. My autoimmune doctor said that it is important to do things to keep stress level and at I will continue to exercise, eat right and work my mind to stay positive. Just wish my DH would chill out and relax and be happy here in Mexico. But I know him and once he gets a bur in his butt he won't stop. At least we have the upcoming travel to keep him happy for a while.

Thanks for listening. Got that off my chest.

Hope all my sparks buddies have a wonderful day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Just try not to stress too much. Maybe he will
    forget about it for a while with his dad's recovery.
    Moving is so stressful - I have had 4 international
    moves and maybe more and I am still stressed. It
    takes a lot out of a person and at this point your health
    is more important. You Have lots of great advice from
    your friends here. Wishing you all the best. emoticon
    1643 days ago
    Just take a deep breath and wait for the moment to pass. Never mind, just take a deep breath! HUGS!
    1644 days ago
    I really hope the best for you will materialise. Hugs.
    1644 days ago
    Take a deep breath and RELAX!!! Things always seem to work out!!!!
    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1644 days ago
    Moving is a major change. I've been looking at the Holmes-Rahe stress scale at
    cle/newTCS_82.htm. It seems to me that moving to Floriday from Mexico would mean "change in living conditions," plus "change in residence," and probably "change in recreation" for you. You've already got "personal illness or injury," and maybe "change in number of arguments with spouse." You are absolutely correct to make coping with stress a priority right now.

    From a practical perspective, probably the most important question is how important it is to you to stay where you are or to not rush into a move. One or the other of these is definitely important enough to you that you'll need to communicate that to DH; the question is, how do you communicate it effectively and with the least possible added stress? I don't have any good answers for that question.
    1645 days ago
    emoticon emoticon
    1645 days ago
    stay positive. maybe he'll change his mind-- emoticon
    1645 days ago
  • SKATER787
    Sallie, years ago when I had the money and I was going to retire early like you did, I looked into FL and my major criteria is the hot springs. That's what came to mind when I read your blog. I looked it up again and in the town on North Port, 40 some miles north of Cape Coral, there is Warm Mineral Springs. They are closed right now because the city and county couldn't manage the property. But I think it'll come back online eventually. What's important to me is the water. I read the descriptions and the reviews (on yelp for example) and the water is very good. Anything else is not that important to me, health has to come first. I would not move unless it's to within a mile of good geothermal water like this one. I do not know if it will help with your conditions, but as you can tell, I'm a huge fan of hot springs :) I read that when they were opened, one can buy an annual pass for 1,300. Heck, you can bet I'll be there everyday should I ever get to move there. One mile and $1,300. Trust me!

    OMG, found a link. Look at the aerial view. Can you believe that? I'm going to have to move there myself in 4 years come hell or high water. LOL

    1645 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/19/2013 3:16:43 PM
    Hubby needs a hobby. One that keeps him happily tinkering with it at home so he doesn't think about moving?!? (Ok, enough of the joshing!) Elizabeth is so right; go slowly on this. My immediate thought is about your health. You're really still in the beginning of adjusting to lifestyle modifications. Impetuous decisions are fine when the matter at hand is trivial, but this is a huge one. Stress often kicks autoimmune health problems/symptoms/reactions into high gear. Perhaps hubby would understand that change of residency would best be delayed IF done. Delayed. That could include brief excursions or even extended-vacation house-trading options; not everyone likes vacation areas when they switch to residency.

    A number of questions come to mind.
    Would the climate in FL be problematic to you?
    Do you feel that hubby seems to want to be back in the states - whether PA or FL?
    If so ... maybe in his mind the FL option is one that is closer in climate (than other US options?) to what you love about Mexico? In that case, maybe in his mind he's already made a compromise?

    1645 days ago
    I would absolutely insist on taking it slowly- suggest a long term rental- or even a house swap (there are great online agencies for that-we used Exclusive Exchanges with great results, or try VRBO) for a few months before deciding TOGETHER what is best for both of you.
    1645 days ago
    Why not compromise and rent a place on the canal for 3 t0 4 months and see how you are going to really like living back in the States. Maybe he will not like it as much. Everything is so much more expensive and the medical will be much more expensive
    1645 days ago
    Maybe you could talk him into a vacation home there? Then you could move back and fourth at will. Personally I don't care for the humid weather there and possible hurricanes. Plus, you really don't want to change medical providers right now. Hope the two of you can come to a solution that works.
    1645 days ago
    Sallie, I'm so sorry you've got this major source of stress - a disagreement on which country to call home - right now. I love some of the excellent advice offered here, such as 1CRAZYDOG's suggestion to point out the difference in the quality of health care you'd receive there - where you have established, good MD's - to Florida, which really isn't known for its great medical establishment. It's quite a major consideration, although ultimately, I'm sure you could find some competent doctors in the end, albeit with considerable experimentation and perhaps difficulty. LIS193 points out some strong advantages to staying in Mexico, and I love her idea of perhaps renting a place in Florida for a while to ultimately help guide your decision. As someone who has an autoimmune condition, yes, I'd have to side with your doctor: stress is very bad for this family of illnesses. It can cause an exacerbation of one's symptoms, I know... Meanwhile, it might help to investigate some good tools for stress reduction. You can find some great .mp3 recordings of both guided imagery and hypnosis, I know (look up Health Journeys and also Dr. Steven Gurgevich, about the best medical hypnotist out there). These both have all kinds of wonderful resources for combating stress. Lots of hugs to you! emoticon

    P.S.: I'm sure my feelings are somewhat guided by my own very positive experience of having lived in Mexico, too :)
    1645 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/19/2013 12:33:40 PM
    Moving is a big stressful event you don't want to do too often,

    Take your time and you'll find something you'll both love, I'm sure
    1645 days ago
  • LIS193
    He is obviously focused on his new exiting idea... Maybe you should suggest to keep the house in Mexico for now and rent a place in FL to see how you both like it. Ideas are one thing but reality can bite you in the butt... You know what you have, the rest is unknown.. From what you have mentioned on here before he seems to be a guy who needs a "project" :)
    I know how you love being in Mexico - perfect weather, your friends, beautiful house, great medical care and low cost of living.
    Sow some seeds and see where it goes...
    1645 days ago
    OH I have one of those too! Love him dearly, but his brain is like the cogs on a wheel with a stick jammed between the cogs . . . STUCK!

    He is really a smart man for sure. Makes me laugh. Shares my ups and downs (and I his). BUT common sense . . . zip, zilch, nada, the big NONE sometimes.

    He made the decision, for example, (and this is just a minor example) to change our cable provider. The provider we had wasn't perfect. Let me say that much. But not bad either! ON a scale of 1 to 10 it was about a 7.5 or 8.

    He chose to change it. I absolutely HATE this provider! ON a scale of 1 to 10 it is about a 5. **SIGH** Thank goodness there is more to my life than TV, but when I DO take the time to watch, I liked the channels available before! OH well. Life moves on.

    Sallie, have you talked with DH at all about just the health care aspects of where you're at right now? You have such wonderful Drs. and believe me, FL is NOT noted for it's great medicine! That would certainly not be too great for you, I wouldn't think!

    Anyway, I'll stop now. Wishing you much luck. IF you have found a solution to removing that Butt Burr, let me know. I'LL try it on MY DH. Just know you're not alone.
    1645 days ago
    Oh, Sallie. I can identify with some of your challenge. When we married 34 years ago as of August 17th, I could not have predicted some of the ways the 2 of us have changed and evolved. It's not always easy. He thinks he gives into me all the time, when I think it is the opposite. Sometimes it is totally lack of communication -- each of us thinking the other wants different things.

    Your focus on reducing your stress is the way to go. Hoping the very best for you. -Marsha
    1645 days ago
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