Sunday, August 18, 2013
Well, I'm feeling very guilty right now. I fell off the old food addict wagon today and consumed way too much food. Right now I'm looking at 1800 calories but its probably more around 2200 given that I had a bite here and there of things. I hate this so much. I do awesome during the week and am able to maintain my goals because I work so hard that I often forget to eat and have to set reminders to make sure I keep my metabolism going but on the weekend. It gets tough. I hate weekends. Its when being a single mom is the hardest for me because I have both my kids constantly needing me and I don't get a break. I have things I need to do and I try to do them but they constantly pester me. This just adds double guilt to me because I love my kids but sometimes I am like "for the love of god can you give me a break." At these moments I want to just scream and cry and instead I eat. I eat on the kids snacks as well as my portioned meals and I feel even worse. Luckily, I am still in the calorie negative but only because I keep jumping on the elliptical because I know what I am doing is wrong. I know you are supposed to have reward days but these days end up feeling more punishing then others. I always end up feeling disgusting and disappointed. Well.... now I am off to go clean the disaster area that formed while I was writing this. I think once the kids go to bed I'll try to do a dream board or similar and hope on the elliptical to try end the day in a positive note. Never give up, never surrender!