Sunday, August 18, 2013
Wow - thank you to all of the amazing people who left comments and were so supportive on my last blog (even today they are still coming in Ė thank you so much!) You are truly exceptional people and your support means so much to me. Thank you... just, thank you. You are amazing.
I received a lot of great feedback about my big idea of why I can't stay motivated - because in my head I think/feel/pretend that I'm much smaller than I am and capable of all these cool things that I want to be able to do, like hiking mountains and jogging long distances, etc. I felt kind of silly admitting it out loud and was really surprised that so many other people felt the same way! It was a real eye opener - we really are alike and have a lot in common, and with support we can do this!
I've been trying to work on confronting myself and the truth about myself - my size, my limitations, my capabilities, my goals, what I'm working towards and how it takes to get there. No more fooling myself, time to put the work in so that I can see some real life progress! One thing I've started doing is taking a moment in the bathroom at work in front of the full length mirror to really look at myself. Normally I skim and concentrate on my face, not my body. I'm really looking now so that I can get a clearer mental image of myself and more importantly, to accept myself. No - I may not look the way I want, but it's just a starting point, like blue prints to build on.
There was something in a comment someone said and I had one of those ďa-haĒ moments where something just clickedÖ I need to learn to love my body Ė itís MY body, it doesnít belong to those who are judging me. When Iím out and about Iím so busy wondering what people think I look like and if they are judging me and if my rolls are showing or if my clothes match. I spend so much time caring about what other people think Ė if they like me, if they donít like me, if they are comparing me to someone Iím standing next to, if theyíre thinking about me at all Ė that I forgotÖ my body is a precious thing, and itís MINE. Itís always felt like someone elseís, because all I cared about was what THEY thought about both my body and me. But itís MINE. Itís mine to take care of, to keep healthy, to do what I want with it. Iíve been so irresponsible with my body. I owe it to myself to treat myself better.
I moved my candy/goodie stash at work into the candy dish on my desk to get rid of it, and in less than two days it's practically gone. Good for me, since i don't eat out of my dish but others do! Spreading a little sweetness while getting rid of my stash! In the future I can keep in mind that just because I have a craving doesn't mean I need to go buy a whole bag of something for "future cravings." For example, I bought a middle sized bag of m&m's when I could have just paid a quarter at the vending machine to satisfy my craving. But because I bought the bag because it's more for my money and I can eat it at future times for future cravings I would munch on it just because I had it. I even caught myself reaching for the bag the other day just because I was listening to a movie on my IPod that had m&m's in it and I so without thinking anything other than "m&m's do sound good right now" I reached for them. Luckily I stopped myself and thought to myself, "you don't have a chocolate craving and you're not hungry - you're only reaching for these because you just heard m&m's on your IPod. you don't really even want them, just put the bag back." It made me think of all the times I ate something while watching a movie just because it was habit, not because I was hungry. Or because that movie had a certain food in it that I then wanted just because I saw it on the screen, no real craving for it. I ended up giving away the rest of the bag of m&m's, hehe.
Last night I was having trouble sleeping and an infomercial came on. Just like so many times before. It was for a workout DVD Program, just like so many times before. And I got all caught up in it and started to really think about ordering it. Iíve done this before Ė Iím the owner of several fitness programs and Iíve never even finished one of them. Iíve never even done all the workouts on any of them. But I caught up in the ordering process and started to place the orderÖ for INSANITY.
I came to my senses before I hit the final confirmation button, but I felt a pang of disappointment. I wanted to purchase the INSANITY programÖ even though I wanted all the others too. This one is only 60 days, has great results, I went onto Amazon.com to read reviews and there were a ton of great reviews with great results (the majority of the negative reviews were about injuries though Ė yikes!) Well, this morning I was still thinking about the programÖ only 45 minutes a day, 60 days, drastic results, etc. I can do thatÖ canít I?
Well I hope so, because turns out the order took last night because when I went to check my e-mails I had a confirmation e-mail. It should ship within 24 hours and be here within 3-5 days. Updates to come on that.
To finish up, I had a lot of comments on the following quote on my last blog so Iím reposting it: "Many People Quite Because Progress is Slow... Even Slow Progress is Still Progress"
And as a reminder to myself I need to remember - I owe it to myself to treat myself better.
I hope you all have a Sparktastic Day!