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Proud of my chicken wings

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Yesterday afternoon during yoga class, I had a Moment.

While upside down and twisted into a yoga pose, I found myself face to face with my left elbow - and a close-up view of what my post-weight loss upper arm looks like when affected by gravity.

My first thought was "eeeuuuwww". And then I wondered if it would be like that for the rest of my life.

But as I held the pose, it came to me that...

"Oh my god, that loose skin used to be FILLED WITH FAT."

I was filled with gratitude to realize that this loose skin is now empty, and that I don't have to carry all that around anymore, and that I look and feel so much better than I did at 240 pounds.

For years I had feared that I would hate my body forever, even if I lost weight, because the loose skin would be so awful. I think that it even played a role in my staying fat as long as I did, I was afraid to lose weight because of it. And at first, it was true.

But in this moment, I suddenly saw it all with new eyes. My loose skin is like my fourth-grade chart with the gold stars on it, showing how much work I have done to get where I am now. I am PROUD of what I have achieved.

Do I still wish I had my 23-year-old bikini worthy body? Of course, even Hollywood stars do, that's why plastic surgeons are so rich.

Can I love the body I have NOW? Yes... for the first time in years, I think that I can. Really.

And writing that sentence brought the tears. Tears because it hurt to hate myself for so long.

Of course, I still have a long way to go in my journey, both inside and out, but something changed yesterday.

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