Saturday, August 17, 2013
Funny how it can take three weeks to lose six pounds, and two days of slipping up (going over on kilocalories) to gain three.
But I’m not giving up. I put up an old photo of me for my Facebook profile picture yesterday just to remind me. Today I went down into my parents’ basement to do laundry and dug up the size six shorts I had on in the photo to bring back with me when I leave tomorrow. I want to get back in those shorts.
One thing I have to remind myself is that before that picture was taken, it took me from January to May to get to that size. That’s when I was doing Weight Watchers. And on Weight Watchers, I only gained weight one of my weekly weigh-ins (it was only like one pound). But bodies are stubborn, and I remember four weeks in a row weighing in at 136 pounds when my goal was 135.
I guess one of the things you need to do is evaluate your slip ups. My first slip up I am fine with…yes, I ate over, but I didn’t eat ridiculously. I chose healthier options. And I had a good time, which matters in addition to weight loss. The second slip-up was yesterday. I was doing fine until dinner. I hadn’t exercised, which didn’t help, but I felt really hungry. So I didn’t worry about kilocalories and just ate. And I wasn’t hungry for dessert, but I ate a big serving of dessert. In this situation, I probably would have done better if I had eaten more throughout the day and hadn’t let myself get so hungry.
The whole thing is a learning experience. I know I can lose weight—I’ve only done it three or more times in 23 years, the same thirty pounds—but going through these struggles will help me learn more about myself…help me to maintain my weight loss, which is the struggle—not the losing weight.
In regards to what I wrote yesterday, I am feeling much better. My boyfriend and I chatted as he rode back from his trip about it. I asked him what attracted him to the family friend girl he had a crush on way back when in the first place. He explained that he just enjoyed time he spent with her, but realized there was no chemistry when they were alone…their fun was always in groups. I told him that thing was, she’s super pretty and skinny. But extremely ditzy and a party girl—someone that I can’t imagine him being with, even if he was never with me. He agreed. “Then do you think your attraction was largely physical?” Again he agreed. He told me, “I used to think that skinny was attractive. But I guess tastes change…I don’t want to see girls starving themselves. I’ve realized that emotional attraction is equally, if not more, important.” And we talked more, and he said, “I love your curves.”
I’m glad that he and I were able to talk about things. Some of the issue was that I couldn’t understand why he had been interested in this girl, but I can understand that he was physically attracted to her but has grown up since then. And I believe him when he says he’s physically and emotionally attracted to me.
So here's to today, a brand new day...and a day to not beat myself up. I have a boyfriend who loves me, and I'm keeping myself healthy regardless of what the scale says. And I'm not giving up on my weight loss and wearing those size 6 shorts again.
On a side note...my boyfriend is definitely more romantic than me (though neither of us really are)...he realized that yesterday was 5 months being together. :)