Never gonna have the "pefect body": My slip up
Friday, August 16, 2013
I am visiting family, so that makes it a bit rough to track food...but I've been making sure to exercise a lot to get past that. However, on Wednesday, I didn't have a chance to go run or cycle. And, one side of my family took me out for lunch. And the other took me out for dinner. And, well...I did my best to make healthy choices, but I knew I wasn't going to be able to keep it in range. The place we went out for dinner was a brewery, and I wasn't just going to have a stupid salad or bowl of soup just to try to stay in range. So I ate about 300 kilocalories over my range, but I had fun...so I guess that's okay.
The next day I ate a weird assortment of food, but I think the amount I ate in addition to running 4 miles evened out. I did wake-up with a bit of a stomach ache...I guess nachos and two hours later ice cream just isn't a good combination.
I got raccoon eyes (sunglasses tan line) at the ballgame, so I sent my boyfriend (who is also on vacation but not with me) a picture. I knew it wouldn’t show up too well, but we play a game of sending pictures back and forth of ourselves. It was my turn. Long story short, we’ve been dating four months. The relationship has been great (I’ve never been in a relationship this long). We have similar interests and he’s been really supportive of me. But I’ve been a lot worried about him on this float trip. Like I said, we’ve only been dating four months. And I know there’s gonna be tons of alcohol, and I won’t be there. And plenty of girls in bikinis that have bodies that I could never dream of…including a family friend that’s our age that he told me himself he used to have a crush on. No, he’s never given me reason to doubt him. But I know that bad things can happen around alcohol and with all these cute girls around. So, cutting to the chase…after I emailed him the raccoon eye picture of me, he responded with a picture of him and the girl I used to have a crush on. He was probably drinking when he sent it, but it’s like the last thing I want is a picture of him with a girl I know he used to crush on looking absolutely perfect in her little bikini.
Of course I didn’t say anything, just “tell her hi!” But I didn’t like it. And I didn’t like logging into Facebook today and seeing the pictures she was posting of the trip…every single girl on that trip has an amazing figure. I don’t care how skinny I get, I’m still going to have cellulite legs. I’m never going to look like that. And I’m never going to be able to eat the amount of food they do, the kinds of food they do, and drink as much as they do….no matter how much I exercise. God didn’t bless me with that kind of body.
My boyfriend swears he’s not interested in “toothpicks” like them (they aren’t; the look gorgeous!) and that he loves me and would never hurt me…And I believe that he wouldn’t intentionally hurt me…but it’s hard seeing these photos and not wondering why he would be with me when he could be with someone like one of them. He’s always been a good athlete and wasn’t the bench player like I was in school.
I just wish I could understand what he sees in me.