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    RAINEMARIE214   37,629
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Rough Day

Friday, August 16, 2013

I had a really rough day yesterday. It involved a lot of crying. I think I just hit a breaking point. After the previous week I am kind of surprised it didnt happen sooner because I've been so run down, and feeling pretty alone since J's been spending all of his time with his mom, and not really anytime with me - he has a habit of ignoring me when he's with his family. He's not so good at the balancing. And I had to deal with one of my more emotional clients yesterday - she is one of the nicest people and she has been through an awful ordeal so I do not get upset at all when she starts crying in my office - I might be concerned if she wasnt crying! But I feed off of other people's emotions. My empathy I think extends well passed what is normal... and I'm constantly fighting a battle with the Air Force Academy administration. It's interesting when you look at a problem (sexual assault) from the vantage point of a victim, instead of from the vantage point of a staff member or an outsider. I want to fght all of the injustices I see, and sometimes I forget that I am just one person and I can't take on the world. And on top of all of that, let's just consider the horrifying information I deal with on a regular basis. My job is pretty much to think about sexual assault all day everyday. And I hear it all in its graphic details. And when I am doing case law research, I am reading about other people's sexual assault cases. And to be perfectly honest, I have a very difficult time leaving it at the office when I go home. How do you just turn off that part of your brain that holds all of that graphic information? I dont know. So, I think all of it just hit me at once yesterday. I was just crying. A lot. I even went home and drank 1/2 a beer (big drinker here, I know!). (I am planning on seeing a counselor to try and learn some coping techniques.)

It helps a bit to get it all out - once I do let it all out I feel drained and empty. Can I tell you how much I am looking forward to my leave beginning next Friday for a whole ELEVEN days. I think this time, of all of my leave times, I have truly earned the time off.

But I'll recap a little bit of what has been going on the past few days. On Wednesday I left work early to meet up with J's mom to go to a local quilting shop. I couldnt remember if the plan was to meet her at his house or to meet her at the store. So I drove to the house. I was wrong. So I showed up to the store 20 minutes late, and that was pretty embarrassing. The store itself though was absolutely amazing. I kind of wanted to just move in and live there. They had such an amazing fabric selection - way better than Joann's - including fabrics I've otherwise only been able to find online! And the prices were really great - and I love the fact that the cutting table people will cut your fabric into a fat quarter (Joann's wont do that!). They also had an amazing selection of quilting patterns and tools. I can definitely spend a lot of money here! Oh, and they also had an amazing selection of cross-stitch patterns. I LOVE cross-stitch, but I hate the patterns I see in the stores, and have bought most of my recent patterns online, but this store had really great patterns! I ended up buying two cross-stitch patterns, and 8 fat quarters (4 were for a fat quarter swap I am doing). I will definitely be utilizing this store as my go-to store from now on!

J's mom and I were at the store for about an hour together and she showed me around, gave me some advice on different threads and tools that would be helpful in learning, and also suggested some different pattern brands to learn with. I enjoyed spending the time with her, and I think she did, too. Her daughters dont take an interest in sewing or anything, so I think she was happy to have someone to share that with.

As far as my quilting project is going - all of my fabric squares are cut out (including the new fabric I bought at the quilting store) - I still need to cut the sashing fabric, the binding fabric, and the back fabric, but that will probably happen this weekend. I still have not used my sewing machine - I feel like there is so much excitement built up with the anticipation of starting! It's like I just opened up all of my Christmas presents and I dont want to touch my new toys for fear that the magic will wear off! :)

Oh, I also officially registered for dance classes yesterday! Look at me - committing to doing something! I went to the studio on my lunch break yesterday and I met the owners of the studio. They were super nice and I enjoyed talking with them. The studio seems pretty low-budget and small - more family oriented, which is much different from the dance studio I attended growing up, but I'm not trying to be a professional ballerina, so a small studio is fine for taking classes for fun! They even showed me the video of last year's adult hip hop recital dance and they had close to 20 people in the class, with ages ranging from 18-40 and varying levels of ability! I am hopeful this will be a good way to meet other people around my age and have some out-of-work social interaction. I signed up to take the adult hip hop class on Tuesday nights and the adult jazz class on Thursday nights. They are both at 7pm so they shouldnt really ever interfere with work, and I am excited that I will have definite plans every Tuesday and Thursday! I have to purchase some dance shoes and dance class attire, but I dont plan on breaking the bank for that. The classes start on the 3rd of September, right after I get back from NJ, and I am really exited about it!!

Tomorrow I'm running 16 miles - I think I have decided to drive the hour north and run around the reservoir. I think it will be a nice change of scenery, even though it will mean waking up and driving before the sun comes out - the plus side is there shouldnt be any traffic! Hopefully it goes well!

Oh! I also wanted to mention that despite all of this stress, I've maintained my 5lb weight loss! I havent gained anything with all of this stress! That makes me incredibly happy because it means I'm making better choices. Normally, all of this stress would cause me to regain weight I've lost and then some, so maintain is kind of a big deal. I want to see the scale start going down again, so time to get back to paying more close attention!
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NATPLUMMER 8/18/2013 10:12PM

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DESERTDREAMERS 8/17/2013 3:43AM

    You really have a rough job - don't know how anyone could just "leave it at the office". Good to hear you're going to talk to someone about it.

It's good, too, that you have creative outlets - quilting, cross-stitching, and running - Go, Grrl!

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WORTHEYMOM 8/16/2013 5:21PM

    that's alot to deal with at your job! wow - I can't imagine. It has to be really hard at times. I'm glad you are looking for ways to coop with it. Sounds like you had a great time shopping! Oh one of these days I might be able to finish the t-shirt quilt I started last year and the cross stitch patterns I bought a few months ago. I am so happy you found some great dance classes! That will be way fun for you! Have a great weekend!

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COOP9002 8/16/2013 12:58PM

    I am so sorry for what you are going through. However, it sounds like you have a strategy to maintain your focus. Blessings upon you today.

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OLIVIASIMP 8/16/2013 11:29AM

    I commend you for being able to deal with all that stress of your job. People have to break down sometimes. It sounds like you have a good plan with the dancing! Keep it up!

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