Friday, August 16, 2013
Anyone who has followed my blogs and my hiccuping progress the last few years knows that I have not made any real progress for a LONG time. And I mean like.. YEARS.
Like so many people who have been or are long term obese I have had some determination, I have lost a ton of weight, I have put it back on. I have been going to 'start again next week' or 'tomorrow' or 'later' and all of those have turned to weeks and years.
I have been through the cyclic 'carbo loading'. For those not familiar with this particular tactic it involves bingeing on as much sugar and carbohydrate as you can get your hands on the day before you are going to start THE diet of all diets. The one that is going to get you there. The benefit is that you put on so much fluid weight and take in so many extra calories that your first week of weight loss is dramatic.
I have lied about 'trying but nothing is working'. Let's face it.. if we are being honest with ourselves ANYTHING works that involves cutting calories and exercise, it isn't whatever magic pill we take that fails.. it is US.
Well for all the failure and the lies to myself and others. For all the secret eating in the car, in the kitchen when no one is looking, in the toilet.. yep.. I have even munched on snacks in the restroom at work in my time. For all the times I have hidden wrappers deep in the garbage can or stopped the car to get rid of them in a public bin so no one knows.. I refuse to feel guilty. Guilt eats you up and it defeats you.. all guilt does is make me eat more.
Instead I am looking at the things that have changed. I eat healthier. I try different fruits and vegetables and try to eat as much of those as I can. I eat salads that I enjoy. I have learned to love soup that isn't creamy and salad dressings that are not creamy either. I don't eat in secret. Instead I treat myself to something I really want but I track it in. If I slip up I STILL track and often it really isn't as bad as I thought and I can stay on track.
My son is coming to visit from England with his new fiance. We will be going out to dinner several times, I am already looking at menus and planning what to have.
I have recognised that my poor body can't sustain this weight, I am in pain, hip, knee, stiffness everywhere. I get breathless just coming up from the basement. I can no longer do Zumba or Ballet. I can't do long distance swimming even. But I am perservering with water classes until my body is strong enough to do more.
And for me it isn't just that one comment that my husband made telling me I had done this before I can do it again. It is a LOT of learning and changes over time that this time will lead me to getting rid of the weight and keeping it off.
Over the last four weeks I have lost almost 10 lbs because I really WANTED it. I am now 1.8 from having ditched 20 lbs. Some of my clothes are too big already. I feel lighter.
122 lbs to go at least. I will get there. So will you.