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    CARMADAB   14,548
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My goals and tough questions


Thursday, August 15, 2013

I think everybody, at some time or other, thinks about their weight at how it affects them. My husband, for example weighs well over 340 pounds. He refuses to take influence from me to lose the weight and insists that he is "big boned" insinuating that he is fine the way he is. Yet, he still goes through periods of fasting and binge afterward, which indicates that he is aware of his weight and wants to lose it. He just doesn't know how, nor does he want to admit this to me or sometimes, even to himself.

My kids are each affected by their own weight as well as the image that my husband and I individually feel about ourselves. They project their own beliefs about weight onto themselves. My daughters are very conscious of their weight, any gains and losses and are still able to control it.

I was able to control my weight when I was their age. I even almost lost all the weight I had gained and met my goal, but my self image was shattered and I haven't forgiven the people that sabotage my efforts. I certainly hurt only myself, but I have a mental block and I am not sure how to change things.

I want to lose weight because I can't breathe as well when I am heavy. I can't move as fast and I tire more easily. I know that I am shortening my life span at this weight and the quality of life deteriorates. This is why I want to lose weight. I want to live a long - movement filled life. I want to be riding my bike at 90 (even though I don't ride it at 47.) I want to go hiking and work in the yard without huffing and puffing. I want to play with my grandchildren without fat rolls making it hard to get up and down.

But if my husband's health deteriorates and he needs full time care, or he leaves this world early and I am alone for a long time, will I be happy? If he doesn't want me to lose the weight, is the effort worth it?

How do others answer these tough questions?
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
SCHECK5 8/22/2013 7:03PM

    I also have gained and lost weight when someone had sabotage something in my life...it's SO hard to get back on the right track again...i'm trying my best to do it and having those people out of my life is the best thing I did.
Sorry that your husband doesn't support you the way you would like him to.
Take care and talk soon...it's been a LONG time!!!
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DIANA7790 8/17/2013 12:22AM

    I too face the same issues with my husband. He weighs about 315 and needs desperately to lose the weight. I tell him all the time I am trying to lose weight so at least one of us will be there for the kids in the future. I fear he will have severe health issues or pass away from his weight. It scares me too. I see his motivation to do anything declining more and more. I hope your husband can find it within him to do what you are doing. I know my husband would rather have me not try so he doesn't feel guilty and so I will go with him out to his fav places to eat, or fix the fatty foods he loves. Someday hopefully this will change. Good luck!

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KENTUCKYWOMAN 8/16/2013 3:34AM

    At some point in each of our lives we have to come to terms, ''we can and are allowed to have control over ourselves." I think its very sad that your husband would not want you to lose weight, but have to admit I have heard of this happening in other marriages. I weighed 327 pounds when I married my husband 15 years ago. My husband much older than I and handicapped. I not only needed to lose the weight because it was killing me, but I needed to lose the weight so I could be a better caregiver for my husband. What a difference my back, feet and legs were when I lost that 156 pounds. I have put about 50 pounds back on, but working really hard now to get it back off. We cannot make other's do what we know they need to do, but we can do what we know is BEST for ourselves.
Hang in there,
Joan

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ANDYGIRL1219 8/15/2013 11:57PM

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