Thursday, August 15, 2013
I said in a previous post that I am not weiging myself right now, nor was I planning to any time soon. I stand by my reasoning. It isn't an accurate measure of how hard I am working or my accomplishments and generally serves only to discourage and disappoint me.
However.... I have been thinking the past few days that I should weigh in now when I am near the beginning of my fitness journey so that I have a gauge of my progress for the future. My fear is that I will see my weight after consistently working out for 6 weeks and I will be so disappointed that I will lose motivation. So I decided to take a poll and see what my wise spark friends think. Thoughts? Advice?
Nutritionally I have been slacking. A lot. Fast food is my battle enemy and has been winning. The really ridiculous thing is that I don't even enjoy it that much. My tastes have become more refined in the past few years and I truly prefer healthy, fresh, high quality food. I also feel better when I eat it. (duh) And I know it. I know when I am about to eat a bag full of greasy, salty fast food that it is going to make me feel gross. And I still eat it. Why? I don't know. A big part is habit I think and part emotional eating. I know I do much better when I plan ahead and have an idea of what meals I will be having for the week. Sometimes I wish I had someone following me around and smacking me on the head like those v8 commercials...
I have been falling victim to some negative thinking lately. Usually I am a very positive person, but we all have those "mind traps" we fall into. One thought that I have been stuck on lately is that I will never be able to overcome nearly 30 years of bad habits. I know I am trying to build a healthy lifestyle, one that I can maintain and hopefully pass on to my (hypothetical) kids someday. But then I think about my current lifestyle and how long I have been living it and it just seems like this rut. No, that's not right. Not a rut. Like a giant pit of blackness that I will never be able to climb out of.
How's that for positive thinking?
Half the battle of changing unhealthy habits is changing the way we think about things. I am a firm believer that the one thing we can control in life is our own reactions. That being said, I am struggling to rearrange my thinking from defeated to hopeful and optimistic.
I still enjoy going to the gym most days. In that aspect, my main struggle is just getting there. Once I'm to the gym I am fine. I do kickboxing and strength training mostly. My gym buddy and I were working on building our running endurance but we haven't been very consistent so I haven't seen a lot of progress in that area.
My life beyond fitness has been challenging lately. The big news there is that my father was recently diagnosed with kidney cancer. Specifically, transitional cell carcinoma. It occurs in the transitional layer of the kidney. We don't know what stage it is in yet or exactly what the next step is. Most likely he will have to have his right kidney and related lymph nodes and adrenal glands removed laproscopically. Traditionally, this is an open surgery but laproscopy has become the preferable method in recent years because it is less invasive.
Right now, I am processing this one step at a time. I am worried, but I don't want to let myself be too worried until I know more. I feel optimistic that we found it early (hopefully) and if it hasn't spread then with surgery we have a good chance of getting all of the cancer.
Maybe the way I'm really dealing with it is denial; as I'm sitting here writing all this and starting to tear up I think maybe I'm just not thinking about it too much. In the back of my mind I have the worst case scenario floating around, but I don't want to dwell on it.