Thursday, August 15, 2013
Now that I'm settled into my SparkPeople nutrition tracking for a few weeks, I've seen very small losses, despite I really DO track every single day and track honestly, and I'm staying in my "goal" (if at the high end of it) most days...only a few "oops" of going "over" by 100 or 200 calories.
It's hard to fathom, in my little brain, why when I'm eating FAR less calories per day than I was previously, the weight isn't just dropping off! I'm easily eating 500 to 1000 calories per day LESS than before I began my efforts to lose. And in the last couple of weeks I've only lost a couple of pounds...and looking like this week I'll be just "staying the same" once again. HUH??? I don't GET it!
I know I haven't exactly jumped on the exercise the way I should. I could list all my excuses, or I could just tell the truth...I've never enjoyed exercising, even when I was younger, thinner, and had a lot less aches and pains than I do now! So I've allowed myself to make small changes...I park far from the doors when I go shopping, to appointments, etc. I spend SOME time every day being what I call "active"...whether that's a stroll around the block, or doing some vigorous vacuuming and floor-mopping. It's not sitting in the recliner reading a book, therefore it's active, in my book!
So, if I was following my past pattern, at this point I would throw up my hands, decide I just wasn't meant to EVER lose weight, and give up. I'd also heap more derision and self-loathing on myself, and get depressed and miserable.
But I'm not doing that.
Hope is indeed a fragile thing. It's so easily overcome by the least failure, the least setback, the least imperfection in whatever "The Plan" might be.
My "success", this time around, this journey toward weight-loss and health, is that I am nurturing my HOPE. I refuse to beat myself up any more for "failures", real or perceived. I refuse to relinquish my belief that I am meant to be healthy, to succeed, to celebrate each day of life, even those days I fall short of what I've set for myself.
Because no matter what my size, no matter the calories I counted or the exercises I did or didn't do, I am going to remain HOPEFUL. I know that beating myself up leads nowhere I want to go. I know that my fragile little friend, HOPE, is all I have to cling to some days. So I will guard and nourish that part of my being, and know that just being here, just staying with it, is worthy of celebration.
And, eventually, HOPE and I will join hands with another fleeting feeling...VICTORY.
Wishing all of you a day filled with hope, happiness and the certainty that you are a unique and wonderful creation, right now, just the way you are.