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    JORDANLHALL   5,769
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Le Sigh

Wednesday, August 14, 2013

I never mean for it to be so long between blog posts! I'm trying to be more active on Spark and it always seems like I'm doing the opposite.

So yeah. I'll say straight up, once again, that I have been a big huge failure with food. In the past week I have fallen completely off the wagon, not tracking, not even making healthy food choices. Yesterday a bunch of friends and I went to the movies because the power went out after a huge storm and I gorged ceaselessly on things like chocolate covered pretzels, gummy bears, Milk Duds, and puffy Cheetos. Yes. I'm ashamed. Yes. I'm ready to do better. I have to.

One thing I couldn't help noticing about this week of food failure is that I do not feel good when I'm eating giant amounts of complete junk. I don't! For one my intestines really, really hurt, I feel sick and gross and lazy, and it's almost like I'm dehydrated all the time. I'm starting to realize on a deeper psychological level that these binges, these days of gorging and nasty foods do not make me feel good in any way, shape, or form. Usually when I use to binge it was because I needed some sort of satisfaction, of happiness and indulgence and comfort. Eating this way does exactly the opposite. Why should I eat like this if it doesn't make me feel good? I'm starting to realize that I feel better when I'm eating healthier and making progress. Hopefully once I get it through my head that that is actually how I feel, the urge and desire to binge and eat badly will disappear. No matter what it will always be hard, though.

So yeah. Once again, I'm trying to get back on the wagon and stay on. Hopefully I can finally manage it. No doubt new schemes and plans will be on the way. I know that my horrible eating habits of late have done a lot with work. On Friday the company split was officially announced, and since then the names of the people who have already committed to one side or the other have been made public. Basically the line in the sand has been drawn, and work is becoming increasingly awkward and drama filled. I have been off the past three days, so I'm not really sure what to expect when I go in this afternoon. I have heard that tempers are very short and some relationships in the workplace have disintegrated completely. I don't know what it is going to be like, and hopefully, hopefully the work environment hasn't become too toxic. I have already experienced drama and stress of paramount proportions at this job in the past, and I know that it is not conductive to a healthy mindset, work week, or successful diet. Haha, I got up an hour early today just so I could brew a double strong cup of kava root tea in anticipation of the stress.

Like I already said, we got an enormous thunderstorm in the area yesterday evening, and as a result it's currently cloudy at 84 degrees. I know that sounds hot but that is twenty degrees cooler than the daily average around here, and humidity aside I think it feels great! Too bad I don't have today off too, because this is perfect tea and book reading weather, haha.

Well! I've only got a little while before I have to leave for work, and there's still laundry and goal planning to take care off. Hopefully when I write again it will be to report success in the diet field and that I've gotten back on the wagon without falling off again. Hope everyone is having a great day in Sparkland!
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SIRENSONGS 8/20/2013 9:45AM

    Sorry to be a little late in responding to this. I hope you're doing much better this week and that work stress hasn't become too overwhelming.

I've been regularly binging a lot as well this past week. I know what you mean about noticing how horrible your body feels when you do it. I'm really noticing that difference every time I binge now. However, I still get that food high for awhile, so maybe that's why I keep going back to it?

Anyhow, all we can do is take things moment, by moment, right? It's never too late for a fresh start. That' how I'm trying to look at things anyhow...

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FAVALL 8/14/2013 4:00PM

    YOU are taking the next steps in a forward direction - Great. We all have times when we step backward. Keep looking toward your goals. I also ALWAYS bring my own air popcorn and non-caffine drink to the movies. If questioned, I respond that I am on a special diet that doesn't allow the food offered at the move complex.

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PRINCESS_SOFI 8/14/2013 2:48PM

    What's kava root tea? emoticon

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