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Visit with Mom

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I had a great visit with mom, her mood was much better. She is not eating well and has lost a lot of weight – she went from around 200 pounds to 140 pounds. She is in less pain but she is totally bedridden, and minor activities like washing her hair are big obstacles. She gave me a couple of jackets; she told me she will never get dressed again. I used to be the only family member that could use her clothing (because my size was larger). Now her old elegant clothes simply don’t fit me; the jackets are size 22 I wear a 16. But I just thanked her nicely and packed them away; I may alter the jackets or I will just donate them.

(sister, brother, nephew, mom, me)

Included on one black velvet jacket was a gold pin shaped like a feather. Mom was insistent that I take it; I was a little uncomfortable, because per mom’s will the jewelry is supposed to be split equally between the 3 daughters after her demise. On the other hand, I am aware that she has given away one or two other special pieces; she doesn’t remember to whom. I think I will just e-mail my sisters so we are keeping track. The bulk of the items are in my sister’s safe; I don’t think we want to keep a lot of the good jewelry in mom’s room.

I blogged earlier about mom giving cash to nursing home staff, which is strictly forbidden and created huge problems (not to mention someone removing the cash from the last few envelopes while mom was under heavy pain medication). Mom told my sister she wants to do it again! She wants to have cash donations given to the staff after she dies; my sister pointed out that the staff could be fired for accepting the cash. Little gifts like boxes of chocolates or flowers are fine. Cash is not. But rather than have a big argument and tears, my sister is just saying “mom I understand your wishes”. My sister will not write the checks or give cash.

Overall I did very well with eating moderately, limiting sweets, no alcohol, and exercising. My acid reflux symptoms are doing much better. My weight loss seems to be stalled but hopefully that is just temporary!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    What a lovely picture. Your mother is blessed to have family visiting her regularly. You did really well with the eating while you were away. Your mother probably especially wants you to have the feather pin, and I'm sure the rest of the family will understand.
    Gail emoticon
    1681 days ago
    I am so glad your visit to your mom went well. I love the picture you shared with us... So nice to have several members of her family visiting her...
    Good for you for doing so well with your diet and exercising in a difficult context.
    emoticon emoticon
    1681 days ago
  • DR1939
    Sounds like a nice visit under the circumstances. Select your favorite of the jackets and have it altered. Every time you wear it you will think of your mom and when people tell you what a lovely jacket you can tell them it was one of her favorites and she gave it to you.
    1681 days ago
    What a lovely family you have. You and your sisters certainly have everyone's best interest in mind. As I read your blog, I just kept thinking about how when we do the right thing, we can never fail. Thank you for sharing.
    1681 days ago
  • KAREN608
    Glad you could have a visit with no drama by being tactful.
    Your Mom appreciates the staff, so they must be doing a
    fine job. Grown kids have to be the adult in times like this.
    At least she had less pain now.
    1681 days ago
    You and your sisters sound like you are wise in how you're caring for your mother.
    1681 days ago
    You and your sisters sound like you are wise in how you're caring for your mother.
    1681 days ago
    Glad to hear that you had a good visit despite the circumstances. Our four parents are in varying states of decline, so I do understand how difficult it is. Also happy to hear that you are doing so well with your Spark journey!

    1681 days ago
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