I am having the most difficult time with my perception right now. I am trying to think clearly but cannot. I cannot seem to make a clear or good decision - everything seems OFF - if I turn right I should have turned left.
I miss my dad so very much! I am tired of the family drama... some of us are still in denial, others blame ME for the decisions made for dad's care in the end (I am OK with the decisions made and know that dad died how he wanted to die - not gasping for air.. surrounded by family - and peacefully passing from this life into the next). Some have not shed a tear, while I still have gut-wretching sobs, others are someplace inbetween.. I AM OK with all of it. I have siblings who are not. I finally just said enough is enough - we are all grieving - we are all just grieving differently!
I am spending as much time as I can with family - Thurs through Sat Don and I spent the days with my mom, brother and my sister. Sunday - Today I had Teresa and my grandboys here. I also spent the entire afternoon with my sister, we grieved together and just sat and shared a meal and talked. I will steel whatever moments with family that I can. I need them right now!!
I am leaving for 5 days of vacation - no phones, computers, or internet (sorry my spark teams and friends), and then I start my 60 hour week of school.. I am not even sure I will be able to handle it! Yes, I am a very strong woman! But - working in some of my Psychology classes is very harde psychologically and emotionally - and because we are being trained about "psyche's" and have to be very self-aware, sometimes the topics and issues hit close to home and we have to work through our "JUNK" in class. I have family dynamics this semester... It will be a hard class to take - and no, I cannot take it next semester... I have 10 months to go.. I am in my final stretch of my degree - my classes are set, basically in stone, unless I want to extend my class time for anther 6 months... no thank you! It took me 10 long hard years to get here!
Onto vacation... so much to do and not enough time - I have not packed one thing, printed one map, booked one tour... and Thurs night we are winging it for where we are sleeping. The only things I do have done - Brutus is booked, got his booster for doggie cough, and his flee/heartwork meds and is ready to goooooooooo! and our camping site is booked for Fri- Mon. We are camping right by the Mackinaw Bridge.
I will post the beautiful pictures of the military cemetary where dad is laid to rest after I get back from vacation. I am just not ready to write about it. It was the most beautiful service I have ever witnessed and the most peaceful cemetary I have ever been to. I did not take pics the day of dad's service, I was too much of a mess, but we went back last week and I got the most amazing pics.
Thank you for your continued support.
God Bless you!
See you in a week!