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Functioning but not well... leaving Thurs

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

I am having the most difficult time with my perception right now. I am trying to think clearly but cannot. I cannot seem to make a clear or good decision - everything seems OFF - if I turn right I should have turned left.

I miss my dad so very much! I am tired of the family drama... some of us are still in denial, others blame ME for the decisions made for dad's care in the end (I am OK with the decisions made and know that dad died how he wanted to die - not gasping for air.. surrounded by family - and peacefully passing from this life into the next). Some have not shed a tear, while I still have gut-wretching sobs, others are someplace inbetween.. I AM OK with all of it. I have siblings who are not. I finally just said enough is enough - we are all grieving - we are all just grieving differently! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

I am spending as much time as I can with family - Thurs through Sat Don and I spent the days with my mom, brother and my sister. Sunday - Today I had Teresa and my grandboys here. I also spent the entire afternoon with my sister, we grieved together and just sat and shared a meal and talked. I will steel whatever moments with family that I can. I need them right now!!

I am leaving for 5 days of vacation - no phones, computers, or internet (sorry my spark teams and friends), and then I start my 60 hour week of school.. I am not even sure I will be able to handle it! Yes, I am a very strong woman! But - working in some of my Psychology classes is very harde psychologically and emotionally - and because we are being trained about "psyche's" and have to be very self-aware, sometimes the topics and issues hit close to home and we have to work through our "JUNK" in class. I have family dynamics this semester... It will be a hard class to take - and no, I cannot take it next semester... I have 10 months to go.. I am in my final stretch of my degree - my classes are set, basically in stone, unless I want to extend my class time for anther 6 months... no thank you! It took me 10 long hard years to get here! emoticon

Onto vacation... so much to do and not enough time - I have not packed one thing, printed one map, booked one tour... and Thurs night we are winging it for where we are sleeping. The only things I do have done - Brutus is booked, got his booster for doggie cough, and his flee/heartwork meds and is ready to goooooooooo! and our camping site is booked for Fri- Mon. We are camping right by the Mackinaw Bridge.

I will post the beautiful pictures of the military cemetary where dad is laid to rest after I get back from vacation. I am just not ready to write about it. It was the most beautiful service I have ever witnessed and the most peaceful cemetary I have ever been to. I did not take pics the day of dad's service, I was too much of a mess, but we went back last week and I got the most amazing pics.

Thank you for your continued support.
God Bless you!
See you in a week!

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Only time will heal.
    Try to rest and relax on your vacation.
    Come back with a new attitude.

    1648 days ago
  • FISHER011
    Bless you Jean. Enjoy your time away!
    Best wishes with your continued success with your schooling-you will soon be enjoying your degree. You are an inspiration!
    I admire you for your caring kindness & loving ability to persevere through all of life's ups & downs.
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    1648 days ago
  • STRINGI719
    I am so sorry for all of your heartache....
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    1650 days ago
    I'm sorry things have been difficult with your family. I am thankful that you are at peace with the decisions made concerning your dad. The lovingkindness and care you showed your dad is all that matters. I hope you enjoy your time away. You certainly deserve some "down" time. Have fun! emoticon emoticon
    1650 days ago
    Enjoy the trip and relax! Glad you are getting away from the family drama. Bless you! emoticon
    1651 days ago
    You took such good care of your father, and I'm so sorry that other members of your family are not showing more support. Thinking of you in these difficult times. I am so proud of you for all that you do, Jean!

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    1651 days ago
  • RURAL3
    Have a wonderful time off. Do what you need to do whatever it is. It may be crying it may be talking and it may be silence. Know that God will get you through. And yes, we are all different so have different ways of doing things. Others will always criticize how someone else does it. Then why didn't they do it themselves? You are loved.
    1652 days ago
    have a wonderful holiday emoticon
    1652 days ago
    1652 days ago
    You have a good perspective Jean...everyone grieves differently...but I am glad you can cry and let it out! Go easy on yourself and enjoy the peace and quiet of your vacation. Hugs and blessings! emoticon
    1653 days ago
    Have a wonderful trip; relax and heal. emoticon
    1653 days ago
    Have a great and wonderful time. Be at Peace.

    1653 days ago
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