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SCARED SKINNY? Well not quite...just scared/sad.

Monday, August 12, 2013

I've been watching episodes of Extreme Weightloss season 3 on Hulu for the past week now. The stories that have stirred so much emotion within me are Mehrbod and Trina.
To see their struggles really opened my eyes to what could become my reality if I don't figure out how to get real and make this a lifestyle and lifetime change. Granted I am slowly making positive changes, but my weight doesn't reflect them and I believe it's because I'm not doing enough or perhaps not being consistent enough. Maybe I am not even being real although I try very hard to be genuine.

Photo Taken from psychologyofeating.com

I AM AN EMOTIONAL EATER. MANY Times I CAN'T name the emotion, but I WILL eat anyway; especially when I am feeling badly. (sad, depressed, lonely, angry} The 2 people I mentioned from EWL season 3 also are stress/emotional eaters. During the episode both gained large amounts of weight in a short period of time. It's brought me to tears. I am at my highest weight ever 172.8 . I know it's not as big of a number as it could be, but that's the whole point. I'm inching up to where I don't ever want to be...200+ lbs. I pray this doesn't come across as being shallow. The truth is I am SCARED of continuing to gain weight. After watching someone gain 30+ lbs in a month due to binge eating it freaked me out into reality. The Reality is that my Binge Eating left unaddressed could result in just that. I don't mean to sound dramatic. It's truth. I know from my experience in 2007 when I weighed 138 at end of March and by First of May I weighed in at 157 and only a month or so later weighed in at 170.

I lost 30 lbs in 2009, but have put all of it plus 2 back on. I gave up on myself once I started regaining the weight and now here I sit. I'm what's in the picture...too unhappy at my weight. Yes there is beauty in having the opportunity to see the real picture, but I am scared to even do that. I have a clue and have blogged about my struggles with food since first joining SP in 2008. Yet in some regards I must not have completely looked at the whole picture or I wouldn't be here.

I am generally positive here on SP. Tonight not so much. However, I want to change and I need to change. I'm challenging myself to change, but I need support; maybe even professional help.

SCARED SKINNY??? emoticon Not yet, but possibly. Actually I'd be happy with scared healthy and not worry about looking skinny.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I was reading a spark article about emotional eating that said that if you were able to turn yourself into an emotional eater you are perfectly capable of turning yourself into an emotional exerciser. It even gave a few tips. I don't remember the title of the article but it is in with the articles about emotional eating and motivation. You should at least read it with an open mind to see if you could incorporate it into your plan. Hope it helps. emoticon
    1637 days ago
    I'm an emotional eater too and can gain pretty quickly. It usually happens when I don't want to feel something like the death of my good friend this past winter. I ate and ate and ate because I was afraid to cry. I thought my sadness would be bottomless. I'm trying to allow myself to feel things instead. I wish you every happiness.
    1682 days ago
    emoticon I completely hear you on being scared of binge eating and gaining weight. I want to say that for me what has helped is seeing a therapist and journalling about my feelings. I am sure you have tried a lot, so I don't want to jump on you or anything. Don't be hard on yourself. It's tough to move past it and actually allow yourself to FEEL because emotional eating is us stuffing it all down, we swallow our emotions as we eat.
    Thinking of you Cynthia. I know things that are scary can inspire, but I hope you also hold onto hope and trust and be kind to yourself.
    If you ever need to talk shoot me a SparkMail.
    1682 days ago
    Bless your heart! I understand what a struggle weight loss is. I have lost lots of weight but gained back about 30 pounds...somehow the lifestyle change went away. Now I realize I have to do this (watching what I eat) forever. I've been doing my best to just eat healthy. Last night I binged on oreos. But today I am back on track....have to keep going and getting back up and going again. Never give up. Yes its hard...and when you lose the weight you can't stop watching what you eat. So this is life hunh?
    Hugs and know you are not alone in this!

    1682 days ago
    Keep setting new goals for your fitbit. Try exceeding your highest steps from last week at least one day a week. Maybe try an average number of steps a week or setting a realistic goal of minimum steps per day. Take Lucky for a walk with JK. once a day. emoticon emoticon
    1682 days ago
    I think you have captured the fear that many of us experience on this journey. You are aware of the potential harm you current habits pose and you have identified some reasons to pursue your goals. You can do this. Remember 2 steps forward, 1 step back ( a good way to reflect on the total forward movement you are accomplishing). This is a really good blog and one you might want to revisit over time as you make progress towards your goals. Thank you for sharing this!

    emoticon emoticon emoticon
    1683 days ago
    Lots of emoticon and a definitely, sure "YOU CAN DO IT!" to you, Cynthia! I know how easy it is to feel discouraged when you're an emotional eater (raising my hand here), one who fears more weight gain. At one point in my eating/weight history, I was up to 225 at 5'5". It was a terrible feeling, not only for the physical fears (I had high cholesterol and triglycerides twice the HIGH end of the normal range), plus diabetes on both sides of the family along with heart disease. Just as frightening were the sharp joint pains I had in my hips and knees; they had made it very painful to walk, and I limped pretty badly as a result.

    But you've got just the right idea! Don't even put "skinny" on the radar screen; it's not a worthwhile pursuit. You are right on when you wrote "healthy" here! When we FEEL well, we just DO well...and it feels good to be out and about without that sense of self-consciousness. Finding clothes isn't an ordeal anymore, but rather, a pleasure. And you never mind getting weighed at the doctor's!

    It also doesn't mean you have to swear off all your favorite, high-calorie, higher-fat, higher-sugar goodies forever, either - not by a long shot. You can reincorporate all of them in time, but with care and accountability. And there's nothing like the peace of mind you gain when you lose weight, too. You really can turn this around, and if you find you need to enlist some professional help to do so, it's a wise course of action to take, one with huge payoffs. I was so grateful our insurance paid for a few visits for me to talk to a registered dietitian, for instance, because I had a few special dietary needs I had to accommodate.

    But you can do it...and you're going to be glad when you do! We're all pulling for you... emoticon Susan
    1683 days ago
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