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    JOURNEY1986   6,149
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Why I can't stay motivated for more than a few weeks...


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Sunday, August 11, 2013

First of all - I just want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my last blog. They really meant a lot to me, I wasn't in a very good place in my head and I was facing some hurtful memories and the support meant a lot to me. Thank you so much.

While I was camping I put some thought into myself, my journey, my life, my past, etc - to figure out why I can't stay motivated. Why I'm not living the life I want. Finally, it hit me.

It's because in my imagination - I am. Sounds crazy, right? I know. But it's true. I spend so much time imagining and pretending that I'm a smaller size, or that I can do things I can't physically do, that's it's only when I'm forced to face the truth in particular situations that I remember my size and weight and limitations. I need to bring myself back down to reality. I need to stop living in my pretend world of who I want to be and put the work into actually getting myself there.

I jotted down some examples of times the truth hits me that I want to put down here because it may be helpful for me to look back on them:
1. In a restuarant when you have several people and you are stuck against the wall or in a tight space and need to get out. Everyone in your path has to scoot in so much and even then you still can't always get out. It's embarassing.
2. When you carpool with others and it's a tight fit and you take up twice as much room as the others - which is space that could be and would be helpful if used for other things. You can't sit in anyone's lap and squeezing in only works so much when you have so much to squeeze.
3. When you are clothes shopping. Period. Something looks great on a hanger and you try it on and it's all bunches and rolls and panty lines. When you are clothes shopping with friends and they are all in the same size section and you are basically shopping alone because you are the only one your size, while they are all laughing and giggling about things together and you're excluded - or you can stand there with them and wish you fit into those clothes too.
4. When you can't borrow clothing from someone, or them from you. Because you are too large.
5. When someone smaller gets carried or lifted, and you can't be.
6. When you read certain romantic scenes in books and think, "that will never be able to happen to me because 1) I would crush him or 2) he can't lift me or 3) I don't have the body to have the confidence for that.
7. When I see a picture of myself. Any picture. Camping pictures with my nieces and nephew, pictures from Friday night party nights, etc. All I see are the rolls, the tree trunk legs, the back jelly, the double chin. Etc. I hate pictures of myself.


Ok - that's enough for now, lol.

I have a 5K in 27 days that I'm in training for - I fell off that wagon but I'm back on it today. I plan on doing 2 workouts a day - but by workouts I basically mean get up and get moving. I want 1 full work out, and a second thing that just puts me in motion: a walk around the building during break at work, quick little workout, etc. Whatever. I'm also going to be more strict with my food, and more importantly - tell my friend where she can stick it when she's not supportive. Well, not really. But I'll let her know that it bothers me that she gives me a hard time about things because she's selfish and wants me to partake. If I explain it to her she'll understand and be supportive, but she's not a natural supporter. She's likes it better when people do what she wants - my health is more important.

I also found some quotes I'm want to put down so I can look back on them - but my blog is pretty much done. Thanks for reading! Hope you're having a sparktastic day!

1: "Every time you stay out late; every time you sleep in; every time you miss a workout; every time you don't give 100%... you make it that much easier for me to beat you" - unknown
2: "Many people quit because progress it too slow. Never forget, even slow progress is still progress"
3: "Most people get ahead during the time that others waste." -Henry Ford
4: "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute or an hour, or a day or a year, but eventually it will subside and something else will take it's place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever." -Lance Armstrong
5: "Be careful of the environment you choose for it will shape you; be careful the friends you choose for you will become like them." -W. Clement Stone.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post:
LORIVIOLA 2/19/2014 11:21AM

    thank you for sharing.
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TERRIJ7 2/2/2014 11:10AM

    Excellent! I can relate to most of what you wrote!

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GRAMPIAN 9/22/2013 5:29AM

  You'll get there. emoticon

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CORNERKICK 9/7/2013 2:14PM

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EFFRAYECHILDE 9/4/2013 8:31AM

    emoticon emoticon

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WHITEANGEL4 8/21/2013 10:41PM

    Keep it going you are on the right track

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ANRRN12 8/18/2013 4:28PM

    Great quotes! Thanks so much for sharing!

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GREENGOBBLIN 8/18/2013 9:35AM

  All the best for the 5K! A small word of encouragement from a marathoner - love and respect the body that carries you through the distance, no matter how big or small. It's when you stop struggling against your body and start working with it, that things will fall into place. It was a long journey for me, still is some days, but I learnt life is too short for self-pity and sitting on the sidelines. Good luck and happy running!

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PENOWOK 8/17/2013 8:42AM

    We are all cheering for you on your run!! Thanks for the great blog!

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BRILLIANTGINGER 8/15/2013 10:17PM

    I identify with you - especially your list! Way to go for setting your goals and staying real! You are an inspiration to me ! ! ! !

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CRAZYGIRLSAM 8/15/2013 11:41AM

  Thank you so much for this blog, I recently had a harsh reality check and it's good to know others live in pretend land too. I absolutely love the first quote you put, I'm going to print it out and put it on the wall by the bed. emoticon

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EMILY0724 8/15/2013 11:12AM

    I think we all pretend to some degree. I think if we see the real picture, it might be too painful sometimes. BUT reality checks like yours are the keys to eliminating the pain altogether. You've done a great thing!

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RPOLM2 8/15/2013 10:58AM

    You could have been writing about me in your blog, I know exactly what you are talking about... Your list of truths are my list of truths as well. There is one truth though that you are forgetting, You have decided to make a change for the better, and that is the most important truth there is. I know it is difficult, but we can do this :) emoticon emoticon emoticon

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CUDDLYPOLARBEAR 8/15/2013 4:44AM

    Great blog

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HUNTETOWN 8/14/2013 6:55PM

    Great post! emoticon

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GRATEFUL_BEING 8/14/2013 5:49PM

  emoticon and we will do it.

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COASTERBETH 8/14/2013 1:38PM

    Loved your quotes! Your ability to dissect problems will lead you to success! Congratulations on the journey! emoticon

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DAWN123KELLY 8/13/2013 8:00PM

    Hey,

That's great that you were able to figure this out. Hopefully you can use it to apply yourself. Keep working hard towards your dreams and that upcoming 5K!


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JUSGETTENBY42 8/13/2013 4:33PM

    emoticon

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PURPLELEI 8/13/2013 4:14PM

    emoticon Love your thoughts. Have to say I've been guilty of several of them, too. I think my mirror has been lying to me for the past 10 years.

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GOCALGAL 8/13/2013 2:41PM

    emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

Great blog! Enjoyed the inspirational sayings! Keep Sparking!

Comment edited on: 8/13/2013 2:42:17 PM

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JIVANA108 8/13/2013 12:15PM

    Thank you. Honest & vulnerable. You ut your cards on the table & there is no turning back:) We are here to support you!

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JRRING 8/13/2013 10:27AM

  emoticon

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ABYGAILSMOM06 8/13/2013 10:19AM

    This is truly one of the most honest things you could say. I haven't looked at it from these perspectives and I have to say it is an eye opener!

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LEWISHBLOVE 8/13/2013 9:36AM

    This is a great blog, thanks for sharing.....

I find that I have those moments as well, usually in the way that I see myself and then the way I look in pictures. Even looking in the mirror is not the same as seeing a picture of myself. I can go the whole day, feeling confident & skinny, look in the mirror and see myself the same, but I see a pic from that day, and it's completely different.

I try to keep those images, the bad pictures, in the back of my mind to remind me to work hard.

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CAROLLEE57 8/13/2013 9:08AM

    Motivation is hard for me too emoticon

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GOOSIEMOON 8/13/2013 8:55AM

    emoticon

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SCRAPBECCA 8/13/2013 7:34AM

    emoticon

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BLUEJEAN99 8/13/2013 1:56AM

    emoticon emoticon

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MARYJEANSL 8/13/2013 12:51AM

  Good luck to you - you can do it!

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MELISSAC0321 8/13/2013 12:16AM

    I know exactly where you are coming from. I too "forget" I am the size I am. I liked your quote " slow progress, is still progress". It is extremely frustrating to have slow progress, but it is better than staying this way, or even getting larger! Good luck to you in your journey.

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DAYSDELIGHT 8/12/2013 11:52PM

  Hang in there! You've got a plan so don't get hung up on the stuff like photos. I understand it completely, having just recently seen myself in a couple of videos. Kaaaackkk! I joke that I'm not the woman I used to be ... I'll all that and more!

I think the best we can do it not be so mean to ourselves, give ourselves the space, support, permission and freedom to leave old habits behind and change our bodies to match our imaginations. And be patient with yourself as you go through this process. I love the second quote on your list and plan to use it for myself from time to time.

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SJKENT1 8/12/2013 10:42PM

    thanks!

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JSEATTLE 8/12/2013 10:10PM

  We all have our ups and downs. Your 5K will make you forget your downs and keep you looking up and ahead!

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DIANNEMT 8/12/2013 10:05PM

    Good luck with the 5K--you'll do great!!

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POUNDSAWAY73 8/12/2013 10:01PM

  Good luck with your training and the 5K run! Love your blog!! It is hard to stay motivated and to keep focused, but we should hang in there. Never quit!!! emoticon emoticon emoticon

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BLPRETTYGIRL1 8/12/2013 9:15PM

    emoticon We all have to love and accept ourselves before we can achieve the change. emoticon

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MIMIDOT 8/12/2013 9:12PM

    Great blog! Good luck to you on your journey. Spark on!!!!

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CTURCOTTE 8/12/2013 9:07PM

    Wonderful blog! I to know what a great portion of your blog feels like. Shopping with my sis and we are at two different sections and just meet in the dressing room. Depressing the clothes look so cute but I dont feel cute when I put them on me better looking on the hanger. Keep going and stand up to those who dont support. My mom is the hardest person to say no to. No mom really I ate enough and she insist that I did not eat enough or says oh maybe you didnt like it. No mom I did but I also want my butt to be smaller thanks :) ok that part is in my head.
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ANNMACP0212 8/12/2013 7:33PM

    Good luck training! You are taking all the right steps to make a difference...you are improving your life every time you work out, every meal that you make healthy, every time you put your needs first.

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GOOD-ENOUGH-NOW 8/12/2013 7:26PM

  I SO get it about hating pictures of yourself. I feel much the same. I hardly recognize myself anymore in pictures....am hoping at some point I can feel more comfortable in my own skin.

Regards,

Meg in Fort Worth

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SPWITHSPIRIT 8/12/2013 5:47PM

    I like your point #5 - be careful of who you are friends with, you will become like them.....that is so true in so many ways.
by the way, don't be embarrassed by pictures of yourself, you are beautiful in who you ARE. what you wear, or how well you take a photo does not indicate who you really ARE, it's only the outside
thanks for your post

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JIBBIE49 8/12/2013 5:47PM

    Great to see your blog featured in the Spark mail. What an honor.


The news featured a story about "SLIDERS" who stop next to your car at the gas station, slide out and get your door open while you are pumping gas and steal your purse, and get back in their car on the passenger side and the driver speeds off. LOCK YOUR DOOR and keep your purse with you when getting gas. Some people even left the purse in the car while they went into the gas station. A car drove up then and some guy stole the purse and was gone.

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JADOMB 8/12/2013 4:55PM

    I found that if one does NOT have a driving force, it is difficult to stay dedicated. A SPARK is just what gets one going, but a driving force is what keeps them going. And I don't really mean motivation either. Motivation helps but it is still NOT the driving force that makes a person stick with something. Over my life I have found a driving force for different things. They also weren't Earth Shaking things, but they were important to ME. So find whatever that driving force is and you'll find reaching your goals in life much easier. Keep The Faith

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DIETER27 8/12/2013 2:59PM

  emoticon emoticon You are so worth it ! Every bit of weight we lose counts. Keep making healthy choices and you will succeed.

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PGENNA86 8/12/2013 2:21PM

    Just keep working! you can do it!

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IAMAGEMLOVER 8/12/2013 2:13PM

    emoticon You will get there.

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MRSRIGS1 8/12/2013 1:47PM

    Very good! I like all your quotes but number 2 is important for many of us to remember....slow progress is still progress.....very true! emoticon

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MJMGRAND 8/12/2013 1:46PM

    Blog was great! So many of the same thoughts and feelings I have. You can do it and so can I. Quotes are so true and helpful Thanks

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JOANNHUNT 8/12/2013 1:16PM

    AWESOME IDEAS AND QUOTES, IF YOU CAN'T GET PASSED IT MAYBE THINK ABOUT GOING TO TALK TO SOMEONE WHO CAN HELP YOU (A COUNCELLOR, YOUR DOCTOR, A FRIEND THAT IS COMPASSIONATE. ETC.). GOOD LUCK ON YOUR JOURNEY. HOPE YOU CAN FIGURE IT ALL OUT. GOD BLESS.

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