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    LSDALOIA   101,822
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Need Stress Management Tips

Sunday, August 11, 2013


You know from my last blog entry that DH is going through very tough times at work. My heart goes out to him. He just wants to go into work, do a great job, and go home without drama.

He suffers from anxiety, so this isn't helping. Last night we went to a LAMBDA Legal function and he was sweating uncontrollably. He got better as the evening went on, but it resumed later in the evening. Today he is in bed all day, sleeping.

I'n concerned the stress is literally killing him -- or at a minimum, making him sick. He doesn't exercise, so he has no release there. He typically turns to wine or scotch for release. He just hasn't learned how to manage stress, and now I think it's reached a tipping point. Any suggestions?

Member Comments About This Blog Post:
CTUPTON 9/30/2013 1:53PM

    I just happened on to your sparkpage--because of the panda and you picture. I did not know pandas were tame enough to do that. Then I found your husband's anxiety problems. I hope he can get help. It can be handled--and I hope he can accept help . My husband did not know how to handle anxiety. It lead to drinking too much alcohol and all that that entails. Then in 2006 he had a stroke from high blood pressure. He is now using a motorized wheelchair and I am the sole caregiver. It is not easy for either of us. Traveling is pretty much out. And I would love to travel.

Sending prayers and good vibes your way. I suppose my mistake was not recognizing his symptoms as something that could be dealt with. I left it up to him. Now I regret that.

Write to me if you like. chris emoticon emoticon

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TIGER_LILY_613 8/16/2013 12:39AM

    I agree with EM3774 about seeing a doctor. A friend of mine has pretty severe anxiety related to her work. Now she's on sick leave and seeing a good therapist, who has helped her a lot. Her doctor is also trying to find the right type and dosage of medication to help her manage it better.

I hope you are able to find the help your DH needs. emoticon

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SNOW_LEOPARD_74 8/16/2013 12:22AM

    With anxiety that severe, he should see a doctor before his body reacts even more severely and something serious happens. Perhaps he could also take up some form of exercise/fun/physical activity that he enjoys or learn some meditation and deep breathing techniques? But I really do think he should see a doctor to be sure he isn't at risk for a heart attack or something worse.

Good luck!

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BRADMILL2922 8/15/2013 10:21AM

    I wish I could help with the tips but I don't know if I really have any. I know anxiety can be really bad for some people. I hope that he and you can find a way to deal with it so he can get better.


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MAUIMA 8/11/2013 10:11PM

    Sorry to hear about his anxiety. Like Simple said, this is a tough one.
I know I mentioned to you my DH lost his job too...

There is much we have no control over...
I find keeping a schedule helps.
The body and spirit regulates to a schedule and this can be a support right now, (If DH is open to the idea)

We are going to bed early, on time, together.
Read and visit, but not about work.
And we get up at same time, early and he exercises , swimming, this helps his stress.

I make him a nice breakfast , protein heavy so he is ready for his day.
Healthy food, 3 meals a day.
Control the things we can.

Maybe make DH a nice home-made lunch every remind him you are near. Would he be willing to take his lunch outside and away from the stress.
These are little things...remind him he is not alone in this...

I like Bob's idea too...for while he is at work...not letting the old patterns rule. A 'fresh' outlook and routine.
It'll feel new. Maybe better, rather than reinforcing the negative.

You being /expressing confidence that you'll all be OK will help too.
Hopefully you have folks you can lean on right now, so you can be strong for him.
Sleep, eat right, exercise...simple living.

Sorry again you are going through all this.

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SIMPLELIFE4REAL 8/11/2013 5:15PM

    That's a tough one. I didn't get on the bandwagon of totally changing my behaviors until I got smacked in the face with this cancer diagnosis. I think most of us know what the right thing to do is, but until we hit rock bottom, it's hard to make changes.

My first husband was pretty poor at self-care (and died of a stroke at age 52). We were married for 17 years. I always think to myself that I spent the first 5 years trying to change him, the next 5 years coming to the slow realization that I couldn't change him, and the last 7 years coming to some acceptance of that. I hate what happened to him, he was a wonderful man. I didn't learn my lesson completely....I still try to change my 89 year old mother (never gonna happen), so now when I get caught up in her crazy making behavior, I just try to put it in perspective as to it being something I can't control.

Oddly enough, my "new" husband, Jim has jumped on the bandwagon with me when I switched over to my superhealthy eating. I never asked him to. He doesn't eat as cleanly as I am now, but his eating has also vastly changed in the past few weeks.

I guess this is a long-winded way of saying that we can't make someone else do something, but sometimes they might follow along if we do it.

It's scary and frustrating to watch someone we love do unhealthy things. My heart goes out to you on this one.

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KAYOTIC 8/11/2013 1:32PM

    Would he go for a walk with you if you asked him? It would be a start on something that would help relieve stress in a healthier way than drinking...

If he is open to it, there are some good books out there about lessening anxiety, one that really helped me is an oldie, Dale Carnegie's "how to stop worrying and start living", which had different chapters devoted to different techniques to combat anxiety and the reasons we are anxious. I'm sure there are others, so maybe a trip to the bookstore or library would be useful.

Be there to listen, and support as you can, and remember to take care of your stress as well, are there things you do that you can encourage him to do as well?

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BOBJ21 8/11/2013 1:07PM

    Have DH make little changes to his routine. Every hour get up at least once and walk to the water fountain or cooler. If possible go to a water cooler that is furthest from his desk to get a little more exercise. While he is there have him get a drink of water.

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UMBILICAL 8/11/2013 12:42PM

  Be grateful

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